tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71230166773729560792023-06-21T00:28:52.479-04:00Weight Loss Battlesaka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-75826063295023661502015-07-31T11:34:00.000-04:002015-08-06T13:38:16.313-04:00Not Another Article Offering Weight Loss AdviceIt never fails. As the winter turns into spring and summer begins to creep up on the horizon, the inevitable "Look your Best for Summer!" or "Lose those Winter Pounds" articles start to appear everywhere. These are in addition to the regularly run "How to Lose and Keep off the Weight" articles that fill up screen space on many media sites. Now I know why they exist and I really don't mind them overall but my problem with them is that they are usually posted by people who have never had a legitimate weight problem in their lives. <br />
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These articles offer the most basic of advice: get some exercise, eat more fruits and vegetables, drink more water, cut down on your meat intake, add more fibre, blah blah blah. Great advice for those who don't have food issues but they don't address those of us who do and can't follow such simplistic advice. And it's not just these bloggers and such who spew such prattle, I hear it from my doctor, my pharmacist, co-workers, family and just about any other person who thinks they are offering pearls of wisdom because obviously I must not have gotten the memo. It's not that they are being disingenuous with their council, it's just that it's not very practical. <br />
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I don't think I know of anyone who has been battling weight issues all their lives who doesn't already know these things. In fact, I would dare say most of them probably know more about food, diets and exercise than the majority. And that is because we've been hearing about it all our lives. We've been on diets, many times popular fad diets, we've taken pills, joined gyms and hired trainers, read articles and other literature explaining how calories work and how to make lifestyle changes to ensure life long success, you name it we've done it. Sometimes I hear people around the office talk about trying to lose weight and what they're doing. Oftentimes, they'll repeat debunked myths like cleanses, spot training and different other types of diets that offer only short term solutions. Some of them aren't even fat! They're just consumed with bringing their body fat or weight down to some unrealistic level. Others you can tell are suffering from middle aged weight gain; they were slim during their younger years but are now finding that paunch catching up to them. I've seen some people I knew back in high school who were quite slim and attractive now ballooned up. I try not to be vindictive but sometimes it's really hard when you remember how rotten some of these people were back in the day. These people do not really understand the battle like we lifelong fatties do and therefore, maybe some of this simplistic advice is appropriate and helpful.<br />
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But for the rest of us, it just isn't. These health bloggers, I can't refer to them as weight loss experts, are generally fit and look like fitness models. None of them look like they've ever had an issue with food and weight gain so what's it to them to regurgitate a 1000 word article offering basic health advice? They work in the industry and it's easy. But what would happen if you pressed them on the issue? Could they offer something a little more helpful? I've read a few articles dealing with how to cope with cravings, eating out, vacation and so forth and it seems reasonable, for many. But when you have been fighting your weight all your life, it isn't that simple. There's a lot of guilt, resentment and anger to deal with. Those feelings of failure and inadequacy. You want to live like a regular person but you don't know how. It's not that you can't, <strong>you don't know how</strong>. And all those articles aren't going to change your thinking. <br />
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For people who don't understand the battle, they will never get it. It isn't as easy as just "eat less" or "get some exercise" or "eat smaller portions". We understand that. It's something else; something normal people will never get. I've said before that most people have coping mechanisms be it nail biting, drinking, smoking or overeating. Something drives that behaviour, something deep inside of you. Until that is dealt with, you may never see success. <br />
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<br />aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-84248943108355056832014-06-06T13:46:00.001-04:002014-06-06T13:48:10.325-04:00One of the Last Acceptable Prejudices?Growing up as the fat kid, I was accustomed to being mocked by other kids and bullied by a few during my high school years. Even after high school, there was the odd jerk who would make a snide comment about me in reference to my weight but generally this mocking ended by my early 20's. I assume it was because we grew up and this openly derisive behaviour became passé. Or it might have been because I have a natural frown and with my bigger size I looked like I might thump somebody who would dare challenge me. Either way, by that time the only real reminder I had of how society viewed me was that I couldn't find a girlfriend. Or at least a girlfriend I was interested in. I wasn't naive about how people viewed me though, the difference really was that instead of mocking me openly, it was done in hushed tones. Whether that was better or not is debatable.<br />
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The mocking of fat people has always existed, in fact, it's very common for fat people to ridicule themselves, to be the clown, as a defence mechanism and as a way to fit in. I know I did this and I know many others who did as well. Fat comedians use their weight for material to great effect, God knows what they would do if they ever lost the weight. Many black comedians like to use their race for material, in fact, comedians of different races tend to go that route in the quest for laughs. Women use female issues, people with disabilities or other physical issues draw from that, the list goes on and on. It gives us insight into their lives and the permission to laugh with them about it.<br />
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But outside of this realm, the only issue that isn't really covered by so-called politically correctness is obesity. You are not allowed to make light of women's issues, you cannot say "retard" anymore or use the "N" word. And all of this makes sense for the most part. But somehow, mocking fat people continues to this day. I bring this up because of some recent stories in the news discussing obesity. I mentioned in my last post the story about the demand for bariatric surgery rising as the numbers of obese people grow, and now there is another <a href="http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/obesity-research-confirms-long-term-weight-loss-almost-impossible-1.2663585" target="_blank">story</a> detailing a study that has determined that those who lose weight are destined to put it back on again. Now everybody who has ever battled their weight knows this is a very distinct possibility. Most of us who have spent our lives trying to control this demon have been up and down the scale causing much frustration and stress. Most times, it's because you have reverted back to old habits; maybe you stopped going to the gym as much or at all or gave yourself permission to have that extra helping too many times. Whatever the reason, the bottom line is that you did not sufficiently conquer those bad habits and now you are right back where you started, often, in a worse place.<br />
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As bad as that is, it is disheartening to read the comments section of stories like these. You can't have a story on obesity without the resident peanut gallery chiming in with their ignorant hateful comments and simplified pronouncements about what you're doing wrong and how to fix it. Comments such as "put down the candy bar", "get off the couch and get some exercise", "its simple math, calories in equals calories out" or "fat people just don't care enough" are not helpful and show just how ignorant and spiteful they are. Of course, the fatties show up to defend themselves but it's really just a waste of time. These commentators do not care why some people are obese, nor do they care to understand the underlying issues often involved. It is easier to just assume you're lazy, unclean and do not understand the concept of a vegetable. But its not that simple. And it truly is one of the last acceptable prejudices.<br />
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People are fat for a variety of reasons. Some of them are emotional, some are due to lifestyle choices and a very few are medically related. By lifestyle choices, I mean those who choose not to cook or make time to prepare healthy options, instead reaching for take out or the highly processed crap from the grocery store. These folks can make the necessary changes as they usually aren't damaged in some way which is feeding their habits. It's the emotional ones who have the most trouble. These people are feeding an unmet need somewhere in their lives, they've learned to cope with stresses, abuse, insecurities or whatever with food. For them, it's not as easy as not snacking or taking a smaller more reasonable portion. I know this because this is me. Did I learn bad eating habits from my parents? Yes. There was always junk in the house and take out was fairly common. Vegetables and fruit were not the norm and processed food reigned supreme. But there was more. I never felt supported, loved or secure. I was always being barked at for something, was never hugged or told I was loved and after their divorce, my parents spent too much time expressing their hatred of one another. My father, while being a provider, was not a loving or expressive person. My mother was the same, so my sister and I grew up never having that close bond with either. It is something that affects us to this day.<br />
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Is this why I'm fat? It's part of the reason. There's more to my story but my point is that people who mock have no understanding of what is going on with us. And it's like that with anything. Don't judge a book by its cover. You don't know until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes. How do you handle stress? What are your coping mechanisms? Some people bite their nails, some cut themselves, some drink or do drugs; we all have our thing. Can you honestly say you are any better than us? Just because you don't overeat doesn't make you the better person. I'm sure you have your thing whatever that thing may be. And I'm sure it's just as ugly in its own way.aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-80021981817692729752014-05-23T15:33:00.000-04:002014-05-23T15:33:59.829-04:00Thinking about Religion and Overeaters AnonymousOne of the ideas I've toyed with over the years to help get me sorted out with this food thing is joining Overeaters Anonymous or OA for short. I've often thought that talking out my issues with food, listening to others relate their stories of success <i>and</i> failure and having some kind of support system in place might be useful as most of the people around me really don't understand or have nothing helpful to offer other than pointless platitudes and clichéd advice (yes, I have thought about putting down the candy bar thank you very much).<br />
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The idea of having a support buddy in times of temptation kind of appeals to me, the ability to call somebody and talk out what is going on with me at that particular moment might actually yield some benefit. However, the other side of the coin is having your support buddy calling you at some inopportune time when you really don't feel like listening to it. This give and take thing could be dicey, especially for someone like me who is, admittedly, a little selfish with his time. Don't get me wrong, I'm a great listener and I'm interested in people; why they do the things they do, how they think, why they think that. But I really don't have an interest in being available 24/7 to listen to someone have a crisis over a slice of pizza late at night after being out at the bar. I probably wouldn't make the best support buddy.<br />
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The other problem I'm having with OA is the religion thing. They've modeled their program on the 12 steps program created by Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm going to list the 12 steps here as presented on OA's <a href="http://www.oa.org/" target="_blank">website</a>.<br />
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<h2 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #314e67; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.8em; margin: 0px 15px 0px 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
The Twelve Steps of Overeaters Anonymous</h2>
<ol style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 21.600000381469727px; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">We admitted we were powerless over food — that our lives had become unmanageable.</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God <em style="border: 0px; color: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">as we understood Him</em>.</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God <em style="border: 0px; color: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">as we understood Him</em>, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.</li>
<li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.8em; outline: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs,</li>
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Notice the overarching religious slant? If you are Christian, this is probably not an issue for you. But what if you are not? Say you are Muslim? Or Buddhist? Or *gasp* atheist? You can see how this program and its religious overtones were created back when America (and Canada for that matter) were primarily christian. With our global community now firmly entrenched, this program seems horribly outdated. And what's this crap about turning our will and our lives over to God so that He can save us from the double bacon cheeseburgers we so crave? </div>
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Going over them, I'm okay with the fist one. I do feel powerless over food, it has a strange hold over me. It's the ultimate love/hate relationship. I love food and eating brings me so much pleasure but I feel such self loathing when I eat. The back and forth that goes on in my head when it comes to food is maddening. Numbers two and three begin the surrender and acceptance of God where Him and only Him can save us from the terrible food demons that haunt us. A problem if you don't buy into theistic thinking. Number four is fine, making a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves makes sense. Five, six and seven take us back into God country where we ask for salvation from our shortcomings and defects of character (<i>defects of character???</i>). Admitting to others our wrongs? I'm sorry, did we kill and eat babies in some hunger lust? Try to eat a spouse during sleep? Steal slices of pizza meant for orphans?</div>
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Eight, nine and ten are ridiculous in this context. Make a list of people we harmed and make amends? I can see how some alcoholics may need to do this as they may have actually harmed others in a drunken stupor or rage. But fat people? Who did they harm? Too much cheese on that pizza send them into a gooey psychotic episode where lives were endangered? Was the garbage man injured on the job while collecting that enormous pile of pizza boxes stacked at the end of your driveway? Silliness. Finally, eleven and twelve return to the God thing and again, if you are not a believer in such things, well...</div>
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I did a little research (I cannot stress enough the word "little") and found out that the religious thing does play a large role in meetings with many members being quite militant in their beliefs about the 12 steps and how God is central to their success. This flies in the face of what OA itself proclaims on its website about not being a religious organization. Sure, they are not advocating a particular religion but you can't deny the Christian slant to everything they do. Some former participants reported the heavy handedness of religion and prayers ending each meeting which made them uncomfortable and they did not return. As an atheist, I know I couldn't sit there and listen to them talk about surrendering themselves to some imaginary being in the sky because they can't find the will power to make it happen on their own. A better approach might be to help people find that will power, to encourage them and teach them how to tear down their toxic relationship with food and rebuild that relationship in a healthy productive manner. Showing them that they aren't defective people with terrible shortcomings who need to apologize to others for being fat. </div>
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I don't know what kind of success rates an organization like this actually has. I've read that AA doesn't really have that great of a success rate either, I guess it depends who you ask. I'm still curious about OA and whether it might be of some benefit to me, but I have too many questions and concerns at this time. And from what I've read about it, I'm not sure I want to find out.</div>
aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-70766041316106902562014-05-22T23:43:00.003-04:002014-05-22T23:48:49.816-04:00Bariatric Surgery On The RiseI watched a news report this evening on the CBC about the huge leap in bariatric surgeries over the past few years and was rather alarmed at the attitudes of the doctors they spoke to. Now I have documented my experiences with this invasive procedure <a href="http://weightlossbattles.blogspot.ca/2008/07/surgery.html" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://weightlossbattles.blogspot.ca/2008/07/gastric-bypass-nightmares-part-deux.html" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://weightlossbattles.blogspot.ca/2008/07/gastric-bypass-nightmares-third-act.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://weightlossbattles.blogspot.ca/2008/07/gastric-bypass-nightmares-4-wasting.html" target="_blank">here</a>. If you haven't read it and you are considering this operation or just want to know what it's really all about, you need to do so now.<br />
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The good folks over at the CBC added the <a href="http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/weight-loss-surgeries-leap-in-canada-study-says-1.2651066" target="_blank">story</a> to their website which gave me an opportunity to look it over again and I have to say I'm disappointed in the medical establishments attitude towards this particular "fix". The prevailing attitude seems to be that since we have the technology to perform this surgery, then why not? People are fat and getting fatter and surgery has become the go to fix for just about everything that is wrong with people so why not this? I do understand that some people are in seriously bad condition due to their weight and surgery may be necessary to save their lives, but you can be sure there are others who are viewing it as an easy fix to their weight problems, much like liposuction. The medical community is supposed to have qualifiers before they okay this procedure and I hope they are followed diligently but somehow I doubt this is happening.<br />
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Bariatric surgery should be a last resort, one made after all other avenues have been exhausted. There are simply too many risks and complications and often, the underlying problems are not resolved so the patient will continue their eating patterns despite the fact that this will be met with severe consequences by the body itself. Intense vomiting, which among other complications, wears the enamel off your teeth, excessive scarring, which causes blockages in your abdomen and could result in life threatening situations (like I suffered), and painful gallstones requiring the removal of your gall bladder are some of the very real ramifications many will face. Some don't make it beyond a month or so before being readmitted to hospital with a variety of other complications and the need to perform a reversal. Some die although that number is very low.<br />
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Surgery should always be a last resort for anything. Once you open up the body you risk infection and the beginnings of other problems you probably never would have suffered from had you not gone under the knife. The fact that this surgery continues to increase in popularity as an obesity fix is frightening. Back in 1990 when I had mine done, I knew of nobody else who had experienced it. I was given no support or therapy to help me adjust to the new reality I was about to be exposed to and certainly no information or insight into what to expect. They just gutted me like a fish, stapled off most of my stomach and sent me on my way. I know the technology is supposed to be better now but is the support there? Are they treating the underlying issues? Twenty four years after my surgery and reversal, my issues remain and I'm no further ahead in getting them under control than I was when I eagerly agreed to the operation. My fear is that this is becoming just another routine procedure like lipo or botox injections. And that is sad.<br />
<br />aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-83089607766961148022014-05-09T15:16:00.000-04:002014-05-09T15:18:53.786-04:00Complete and Utter FailureI can't believe it's been over 4 years since I last wrote in this blog. At the time, I had gotten bored with it and felt like I was just starting to piss and moan all the time, plus I was busier at work and and was planning a wedding and didn't really make time to write. I often thought about starting up again in the years since but could never quite pull the trigger. But a lot has happened in the past few years, most of it bad, and it seems like as good a time as any to put it into perspective and maybe find my way forward.<br />
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First off, I'm fat again. Anyone who has read my other posts knows of my endless battles of the bulge and how much I've struggled with it. While I was able to basically keep the weight off, sometimes more successfully than not, it was always like walking a tightrope. My bad habits had not changed all that much, but I was able to temporarily find the discipline most weeks, and hit gym regularly, to offset my sins. However, by the end of September 09, all that went out the window. All it took was the loss of my job.<br />
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I had set a weight goal for myself in the months leading up to my wedding but due to the stresses of planning that wedding, plus some additional stresses from work, I actually came into the wedding a full 20 lbs heavier than I wanted. After a beautiful honeymoon in Italy (I highly recommend it) I returned to work and was promptly laid off due to restructuring thanks to the economic meltdown of 2008-09. Now, I knew that at some point I could lose my job; after all, it wasn't an important job nor could it be considered a full time job. It was only a matter of time before the bean counters decided they could save the $38600 a year in salary they were paying me. At least they waited for me to get married; they could have just as easily ruined our wedding. As it was, they just ruined the honeymoon phase.<br />
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I was trained in high tech, programming to be specific, but I hadn't used those skills in over 5 years. The job I had, while at a software company, was non-technical and the skill set required to work there in a technical setting was beyond mine. So when I lost my job, I had little to sell a new employer, especially one who was most likely feeling the pinch of tough economic times themselves. I had discussed this inevitability with my wife a few times prior and we considered sending me back to school in the event that the worst happened. I did attend an IT workshop to get a lay of the land and discovered that I would have to basically retrain if I wanted to re-enter the IT industry. But sitting there with quite a number of experienced laid off IT folks who couldn't find work either didn't exactly offer a lot of promise. So I went in another direction: business administration with a major in Human Resources.<br />
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Now I didn't want to go back to school so soon after having graduated with my programming diploma, but I didn't feel like I had a choice. So the combination of being laid off with no real job prospects, a looming return to higher education yet again and a very real concern for my future put me into a funk. And when I go into a funk, I eat. My entire gym schedule went out the window; I did go once in a while but my eating was offsetting any good it was doing. Stress, depression, anxiety, my life became a mess. I became quite sedentary, I was sitting all day in a classroom, sitting all evening doing homework, going to bed and then doing it all over again the next day. As a result, the weight starting piling on.<br />
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You know what the worst part was? I could see it happening and I couldn't stop it. I felt powerless. It was like my inner fat guy had been lying in wait for just the right moment to strike and completely take over my life. And once he emerged, that was it. The guy who spent countless hours in a gym, struggling with not snacking and trying to eat properly, who took pride in the way he looked in clothes, was gone. Everything I had worked for had disappeared. Now, not only was I fat again, I was also unemployed with no job prospects. A loser.<br />
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I look back on some of my previous posts and I see myself fretting over 5 lbs, or over some bad weekend. I would trade that for where I am now in a New York minute. It was very real back then, those few pounds either way really bothered me, consumed me. But they're nothing to where I'm at now. If I want to be normal sized again, I have a long road ahead of me. A long, hard road. When I did it before, I was focused, driven. It didn't really seem like work. I ate well and lightly and went to the gym daily for 2-3 hours. I can't find that drive anymore. I still go to the gym, but its not the same effort. 35 minutes at a mid range tension on the elliptical and another 30 minutes on a treadmill. I used to do close to an hour on the elliptical and another 30 on a bike. Then I'd hit the weights for strength training. My diet is horrible. I eat salad but not daily, I eat way too much bread and cheese. And I do buy some snacking foods here and there which are promptly devoured. Yes, I am one sad puppy. Oh, and I'm still unemployed and there are no half decent jobs out there so I'm stressed out beyond belief. And you know what I said about me and stress: munch munch munch.<br />
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So there you have it; a brief update on what's been going on. But wait! It gets better! There's a little issue of a mild ischemia that has developed. If you want to know what ischemia is about, see <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myocardial_infarction" target="_blank">this</a>. I'll talk more about this later and how it's impacted me.<br />
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<br />aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-32963266415496659752009-06-16T10:56:00.003-04:002014-05-04T17:00:04.226-04:00Big SurpriseRemember me saying something about being vigilant and good this past weekend at the Bar Mitzvah? Guess how well that went?<br />
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I can't say it was horrible, but it could have been better. When we arrived in Kingston, we got checked in at the hotel and went to Swiss Chalet for dinner figuring it was quick and easy and relatively decent compared to what we could have ordered. I had this chicken wrap thing with fries and we got an appetizer, which is something I don't usually do, these chicken stuffed spring rolls. They were quite good but obviously deep fried. Probably could have avoided that. Afterwards, we hit my mother's place for a visit and threw back a few beers, I managed to not snack which was nice for a change. But Red was having a chocolate craving and we agreed to hit the local Timmys for a donut and some cookies, which I had been wanting for a while now. On the way out, I looked at the bag and said to Red, "What the hell are we doing?" She reasoned that we weren't going to eat all the cookies that night and while she was technically correct, we could have done without any of it. For the record, I did have 2 or 3 cookies and finished them up Saturday night on the way home. Oy vey!<br />
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Saturday was the Bar Mitvah, a long (2 hours) and painful event which I thought was never going to end followed by a Kiddash lunch. The lunch was basically bread, something called Kugel which at first glance looked like a nice pasta dish, but was a gross mix of noodles and raisins and whatever else, various desserts, what I think was tuna salad, and some green salads. Not having the expanded pallet of my better half, I chose to ignore the Kugel, which Red did try and disliked, and ate bread and desserts. I know, not a good way to go but I was hungry and dinner wasn't going to be until after 6pm. I did enjoy these things that looked like toast points which I believe was for the tuna salad, if that's what it was, but they were greasy as if basted in butter or something so they probably weren't the best thing to eat either. I almost tried the tuna, but to be honest, if they could turn something that looked good at first glance like the Kugel into something grotesque, I didn't want to know what they'd do with the tuna, and I wasn't even sure it was tuna!<br />
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Dinner was good, chicken with veggies, dessert was sorbet and there were lots of other desserts available which I didn't take part in, instead spying some cheese pizza slices that were set out, probably for the kids. Add in a few more beers and another day that didn't go exactly as hoped.<br />
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Sunday we were basically back to normal and I made italian meatballs in mushroom soup with egg noodles for dinner. It was good and filling but we still ended up hitting the Baskin Robbins for a treat that night, another hurdle in the road. Monday I wasn't feeling great, not sick really, just no gas in the tank, so i chose to skip work and stay home. This is always bad as I'm a compulsive eater when sitting around the house and I managed to snack most of the day. For dinner, neither of us felt like cooking and both were wanting pizza, so guess what happened? Long story short, the past 3 days weren't an example of good choices but like I said, it could have been worse.<br />
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Today, I'm still feeling empty, my morning cardio was long and hard, my legs just felt like they were in cement. Tonight is Cardio Attack at the gym and we're going so hopefully the class atmosphere will pick me up. Mentally I'm down. I'm stressed about my job, unsure of my future, and feeling like I just want to roll over and die. I was feeling so good Friday after stepping on the scale and seeing 213lb, a full 7 down from almost 2 weeks before, but the weekend got the better of me and I still feel like I'd like to indulge in something. Thing is, I don't have anything in mind. I don't really want anything, I think its just my state of mind and old habits die hard.<br />
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Its Red's birthday Monday and we're busy this weekend. Friday we're visiting one of her aunts for the evening, normally an enjoyable experience as these people are fun and nice, but right now, I'm not in the mood. Saturday is the day I chose to celebrate her birthday by taking her out zip lining and for dinner at a restaurant she's been wanting to visit for a while now. But the weather looks like its going to be rainy and zip lining is probably going to suck if its coming down with any force. We had hoped that after dinner, we might hit the market for a couple of drinks but even that is up in the air now. So my enthusiasm for this event is being dimmed thanks to Mother Nature. Maybe we'll get lucky and it won't be too bad. Sunday her family is throwing her a party, so much for taking it easy and relaxing at all.<br />
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I thought I'd miss my grapes after not having them the last couple of weeks but I don't. Keeping busier in the evenings with these cardio classes has been helpful as by the time we're done and home ready to eat, there's not really any time to munch afterwards before its bedtime. I do find myself haunting the kitchen looking for something to munch on more than I'd like, but its been slim pickings and I prefer it that way. I just wish I felt better, makes keeping myself motivated a lot easier.aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-59216109926296402762009-06-11T11:12:00.002-04:002014-05-09T18:57:14.303-04:00RIP triple tripleI had a rude awakening the other day when Red and I were discussing calories and the problems with losing weight. I have a habit of not counting my coffee or tea in my daily calories because I thought coffee and tea were basically free with the exception of the sugar and cream or milk used in them. Since I don't use sugar in my hot beverage and the amount of cream I would use is what I considered negligible, I figured it wasn't hurting me. Boy was i wrong!<br />
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Half and half cream is a killer in the calories department, approximately 20 calories per tablespoon. And I know I use more than that in a cup of coffee or tea, probably the equivalent of 3 or 4 anyway raising the calorie count to 60 or 80 in addition to the few calories already existing in the beverage itself. So imagine my shock, and Reds, when we googled the calorie count of an extra large triple triple from Tim Hortons, God of all that is coffee in Canada, and realized it comes in at about 420! That's way more than 3 tablespoons of sugar and cream each in one cup. Go figure that a fast food place would find a way to increase the calorie count of something as simple as a cup of coffee. I guess if McDonalds and the like can make a salad upwards of a thousand calories then anything is possible.<br />
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Thinking about it, it makes sense. Replace the cream with milk and the coffee takes on a whole different taste, same when you cut or replace the sugar. Tim Hortons coffee is highly addictive and people who drink it love it. No wonder when it basically tastes like dessert, so sweet and rich. People are always saying they put something in the coffee to make it addictive, to me its just all the cream and sugar that makes it so good. I've had Timmys with Splenda and milk and its quite a different experience.<br />
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While i was sick a couple of years ago, I lost my taste for coffee and switched to tea with sweetener and milk. At work, I'd use cream in my tea because I do love the richness of it, but when I'd order a tea, I'd get milk. It has only been recently that i rediscovered my love of the triple triple and thankfully after only a couple of weeks, I've realized the truth about its calorie content. This would help explain some of Red's problems losing weight and mine for that matter. I was enjoying about 2 of these drinks a day so that's an additional 800 calories I wasn't accounting for! That's more than a pound a week! Now at work, I've switched to 1% milk in my tea, I'd prefer 2% at least, but the cafeteria doesn't seem to offer any middle ground here, its either half and half, 1% or skim.<br />
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So this change should yield results in the coming days. I stepped on the scale this morning just for a look and it read 215, the same as last Friday. I'm not concerned really, as I did drop 5lb last week and until Tuesday was still enjoying those 400 calorie coffees. I'm still in the gym first thing in the mornings and taking a cardio class roughly 4x a week in the evenings so things have to keep going down I'd think. I did screw up a bit last night at dinner, we had a couple pieces of steak leftover from the weekend that needed to be eaten so I enjoyed those which wasn't a problem except that Red cooked up some Kraft dinner for her dinner as she's sick and wanted something soft and easy, so I shared in that too. Add in some roasted veggies and it was a bit more than I required. Of course I did drink one of my banana smoothies later on which I certainly didn't need, so while the day wasn't a write off by any means, it probably didn't help my weight loss goals.<br />
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Tonight I am taking a cardio attack class at the gym and I'll be enjoying some roasted veggies for dinner in addition to some leftover roast chicken so today will be good. This weekend we are heading home for a Bar Mitzvah and they're serving both lunch and dinner in addition to a dance so we'll have to remain vigilant and not blow the good work we've accomplished. I, for one, plan on being good.aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-62909653395453848092009-06-05T15:22:00.003-04:002009-06-05T16:09:23.980-04:00So I got on the scale this morning and got some great news: 215lb. That's awesome considering I was 220 on Monday morning when I re-dedicated myself. I know most of it is probably just bloat and water, but its a good start. After not seeing any downward motion on the scale the past few months, its a relief. Goes to show how much munching I was doing because that's the only thing that has changed this week in my routine.<br /><br />While I'm very happy with this weeks results, I'm also hungrier. I woke up last night feeling hungry, something I don't usually do. And I've felt hungry all day today as well despite having eaten my 4 apples, bag of salad and chunky soup. With the nice weather finally upon us, all I really want to do is hit a patio and drink some beer and enjoy some nachos with cheese! But alas, that isn't going to happen. I might have a couple of beers tonight but there will be no nachos, or anything else to snack on. We're having chicken and roasted veggies tonight for dinner so that should leave me with some room for the beer calories. But God, I'd love some pizza.<br /><br />We're going to try and hit the gym this weekend for a change. Goodlife has a couple of morning classes available that we like so hopefully we'll make it. We planned to take the bodypump class followed by the bodyattack class last night as they were back to back, but after the pump class, we both ran out of gas. It wasn't that pump was that draining, normally we could follow it up with a cardio class, but for some reason last night, we were both trashed afterward. The intention is to do this back to back regime on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This past Tuesday, instead of hitting them, we opted to take the attack class followed by something called Newbody which was just a low impact aerobics with weights workout. I didn't care for the Newbody class as it was boring and seemed erratic, Red didn't mind it but its not something I care to do again. So my plan is to take the pump/attack classes on those days and get the most out of it. This in addition to the pump class on Mondays, possibly the bodyvive or bodycombat class on Wednesday, attack on either Saturday or Sunday AND hitting the gym in the mornings.....I must be out of my ever loving mind!<br /><br />But the goal is to look good for the wedding and I've only got 3 months as of today. That's 13 weeks to peel off about 15lb. Hopefully since that's only little more than a pound a week, I can pull off 20 but we'll see. There will be indulgences, might as well admit them now, but if I balance things out, something I failed to do before, I should be okay. With all the extra munching out, and the extra time in the gym, I should be able to survive these indulgences, after all, you can't deny yourself everything you love. So that pizza we love will happen maybe once a month, the odd ice cream cone when we've really felt we've earned it, maybe even nachos! Just have to be smart about it.<br /><br />I wish I wasn't so preoccupied with what I eat, like a normal person. But when you don't practice portion control and have a tendency to feed your indulgences, especially when emotionally vulnerable, you can't help but be consumed by it. I think about food all the time, I'm always counting calories, feeling guilty about what I did eat, thinking about how often I need to hit the gym and how hard I worked while there and feeling guilty when I miss. Its maddening. Sometimes I wonder if the payoff is worth it.aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-58656639366678473362009-06-03T13:02:00.003-04:002009-06-03T15:18:17.623-04:00A(nother) New Start!I restarted the whole diet/exercise thing Monday. I don't know if "restarted" is the right term, but I use it because it feels like I'm recommitting myself to the process. What, you ask, happened to my previous commitment? The one I've been blogging about for the past year? The commitment I made in September of 2007 to change my lifestyle to a more healthier one and lose some weight? The commitment i originally made in January of 2000 to lose the weight I had been dragging around all my life and find some happiness? Nothing. Nothing happened to it. I just realized a few things that were blocking me from reaching my goals. Things I knew were blocking me. Things that stopped me from losing weight and gaining back weight I had already lost.......and lost.....and lost. So maybe "realized" isn't the correct term either. But its partially true.<br /><br />While I haven't been perfect in my eating, I thought I wasn't doing too badly considering most of my snacking consisted of fruit, mainly grapes, apples and pineapple. Yes, I would hit Subway or the cafeteria at work here and there for a sandwich at lunch, sometimes I would even grab a couple slices of pizza, but overall I didn't think I was doing that much damage. I was hitting the gym pretty much every morning, playing in a sports league and taking dance lessons, so I wasn't just sitting. Yet my weight slowly crept back up.<br /><br />In November, I was 207lb, a full 10lb heavier than i had been in August. Then I started lifting weights at the gym to try and grow some muscle in addition to the cardio. My weight immediately jumped 5lb. It never came back off. I was 213 when I went to Cuba in late February and I had stopped lifting weights due to back and shoulder issues. In mid April, I started participating in cardio type classes at the gym to give me an average of 8 gym visits a week. Since mid May, the average number of visits to the gym is 9. I now weigh as of this morning, 218lb. That's right, 218.<br /><br />How can this be? Believe me, I've been asking myself this question for months now. How can I be gaining weight when most days I'm eating well, drinking tons of water, and visiting the gym regularly? Well, this is where the realization sets in. Among other things which I'll get to in a moment, I eat a shitload of grapes. When we buy groceries, we buy a lot of grapes. The grocery store has those plastic bags on the roller in the fruit and vegetable section and I fill up 2 of them, 1 with green seedless, the other with red seedless. This fills up a large size tupperware bowl at home and most of the shelf it sits on in the refridgerator. We also pick up about 3 pineapples and have them chopped and ready to eat. This is in addtion to the apples, a bag of Royal Gala and a bag of Golden Delicious usually. And don't forget the bananas. Sounds like a good healthy plan doesn't it? Well it is, in moderation.<br /><br />See, I bring 4 apples to work every day and munch on them throughout the day as snacks. My lunch usually consists of a bag of that Dole Salad mix with low calorie Italian dressing and Chunky soup. So far, so good. Well, maybe I could cut back on one or two of the apples, but they're apples for chrissakes! And I workout in the mornings, I'm hungry! Sometimes, Instead of the soup and maybe even instead of the salad, I'll grab a sandwich if I'm feeling particularly hungry. No harm in that I would think. So by my measure, I'm ingesting probably anywhere from 500-900 calories during the workday depending on whether I have the sandwich or not. And more if I do Subway or slices of pizza, which I don't do very often.<br /><br />But then here's where I think the problem is: the night time. We usually cook dinner and we try to be good about what we eat but I admittedly don't follow what dieticians and the like would consider a normal portion. I don't eat a 3oz. piece of meat, my portion is probably double that, sometimes more depending on what it is. And if its something like spaghetti or shepherds pie, I don't measure out a portion using a scale or anything, I just scoop myself out a nice sized plate that's probably 3 or 4 times the recommended portion and enjoy. But that's not all. Now we're into sitting in front of the TV time. And what does that mean? Grapes! Pineapple! Maybe even a banana smoothie! I think this is a lot of where I'm going wrong.<br /><br />Yes, I should be more moderate in my dinner portions but most days, its the only solid meal I eat so I'd like it to be filling. But despite snacking on fruits to satiate my desire to eat, I'm mindlessly ingesting way more calories than I thought. I don't measure my food and so I can only guess as to how many grapes I eat in a sitting. But lets put it this way: those 2 bags of grapes we bought on say a Saturday are gone by Wednesday usually, maybe Thursday. And the pineapple? It usually lasts the week but not always. And the aforementioned banana smoothie? Well its not a regular thing, but maybe twice a week, sometimes more. Its usually 2 bananas, 1 and a half to 2 cups of 1% milk, ice and Splenda for a caloric total of about 400. Totalled up, how many calories is all of that?<br /><br />Now add that to the indiscretions on the weekend. Pizza, while not as frequent as before, does happen. So does M&Ms or some other candy at the movies. And don't forget the beer, something I rarely drank before, now a regular part of my Friday and Saturday evenings. Also, it isn't uncommon for me to enjoy a big bowl of cereal in the mornings on the weekend, by big I mean at least 2 cups (maybe a bit more) of the cereal and probably a cup of milk. The cereal may be Corn Flakes, Special K or Rice Krispies, but its still a big bowl of cereal. See the pattern?<br /><br />Overeating. No portion control. Mindless snacking. No wonder I'm failing. I may have changed the types of foods I'm eating but I'm still overeating. A doctor at the Brookhaven Obesity Clinic said once in response to one of his obese patients lamenting his weight gain despite eating only oranges ( a dubious claim if you ask me), "You may be eating only oranges, but you're eating 45 oranges! You eat 45 of anything and you're going to gain weight!" I've learned this for there is no difference between me and my incessant snacking on grapes and pineapple and this patient's snacking on oranges. At least I'm admitting I eat other things during the day too!<br /><br />It comes down to my constant eating. If I'm not eating I'm drinking something. At work, I'll drink 3 or 4 coffees/teas over the course of the day in addition to the 3 24oz. containers of water I sip on. I always have some food or drink item at hand, I'm rarely without. I do this at home too, if I'm not eating, I'm sipping on something or I'm doing both. I eat when I'm not hungry, I just want something. Thankfully it's usually fruit, but it adds up. I used to think I would eat maybe 3 cups of grapes in an evening, now i think its more. Since I don't measure them and lets face it, a cup is not very big, I must be easily downing 5 or 6 cups, maybe more. At 62 calories a cup, that's roughly 300-400, probably more. And that doesn't include the pineapple, which I might add I stopped eating about a month ago, just lost my taste for it.<br /><br />And here's another problem: when Red and I started taking these cardio classes in the evenings, I thought I could get away with eating more because I was working out more. So I would have that sandwich at lunch more often, or that slice of pizza in addition to my lunch of fruits, salad and maybe the soup. And I didn't think much of the beer on the weekends, again I was working out more so I had room to play. Same went for the candy at the movies, the ice cream cone we'd treat ourselves to, the cookies we'd bake, or the chocolate bar I'd ravage. Where was my head?!? I knew this was wrong! I knew I was already having problems losing weight the last few months and these classes were perfect for helping me get over that hump! So why did I do it? Why did I throw away all those months of hardwork and sacrifice? I'll tell you why. I was never hugged as a child.<br /><br />That's right, never hugged, never kissed, never told I was loved. I wasn't abused or anything, Christmas was fine, we had stuff, I just lacked emotional attachment. And I guess I turned to food to fill that need. And its something I still do despite being with a woman who loves me to death. But you can't change what's hard wired in you overnight. And I haven't tried to change it. During this whole time, I changed what I ate for the most part, but not when I ate and how much I ate. Its like I'm filling some need deep inside of me although the whole thing doesn't make me happy. I mean here I am bitching about my weight and i'm still eating. All the time. Filling that need. If I doing such a good job of filling that need, shouldn't I be feeling better? Is this a circular argument?<br /><br />So, how to fix. There's the million dollar question. How do you turn off the eating when you don't know how to? I notice I don't eat when I'm busy, so there's a start. We're hitting the gym roughly 4 nights a week after work, 2 of those nights we're doing a double class so that eats up part of the evening. I stopped buying grapes, didn't think I would resort to that, but I did. I'm very much an all or nothing person and if something isn't there, I won't eat it. If we don't keep snacks around, I can't eat. Won't I substitute the grapes with something that <em>is</em> in the house? Hopefully not. I can't say I won't because it would be easy to grab a sleeve of Ritz crackers or a couple of apples to munch on. All I can do is try. Same with my lunches. Just keep to the salad, fruit and soup. Stay away from the cafeteria and don't make a trip to Subway or the pizza shop.<br /><br />I had another reminder of how much I've regained in the past few months. In September of 07, I bought a new suit to go to a wedding. At the time, I weighed 227lb and it was just before I started the regimen. Last September, we attended another wedding and I weighed about 203lb so you can imagine how ill-fitting the suit was. I was practically swimming in it. We have a family event to attend in a couple of weeks and I figured I'd get the suit altered so it fit again. I brought it to work today to take to a tailor at lunch and when i tried it on at the shop, it basically fit again! I was so disappointed. It really brought all of this home for me. I feel terrible. But I did it to myself. I was on the right path, doing great and I let it slip away. I've been at the gym more than ever the last 6 weeks and I blew a golden opportunity to drop some weight for the summer. Now I face dieting and working out hard just to get ready for my wedding in September.<br /><br />There's no way I want to look like this when I get married. I'm disgusting. In late April, Red and I took our weight and measurements to help keep track of our progress and we started this busier regimen with high hopes of dropping excess weight and looking good for our big day. As of today, i'm about 4lb heavier than I was that day and we haven't done any followup. I just can't. But I made the decision over the weekend to fix things. No more grapes, at least not for now. Light lunches. Reasonably portioned meals at dinner. No more night time snacking. Exercise some god damned will power, I've done it before, I can do it again. Its only 3 months till the wedding, that's enough time to drop 15lb. That'll put me around 200 and I can live with that even though my original goal was to be about 190.<br /><br />I'd like to think I'll pull this off. I know I can do it, i have in the recent past. With Red going to the gym now and being enthusiastic about it, I can get more time in there which can only benefit me. This is my best shot at succeeding, i need to take advantage of it. I'm getting older, the weight doesn't just come off like it used to. But am I still young enough to forge a new, healthier relationship with food? I don't know. Maybe this is my life, to be forever at war with my eating behaviours, my weight and my self loathing. I come from a heavy set family so I have the history. Thing is, despite my weariness with the whole thing, I can't give up. I would love to but I know what that would mean and that is not an option. So I'll trudge ahead with renewed vigor, how many times have I said that in the past? God, read my posts! They're full of the same never say die attitude, its laughable. That and the whining.aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-80653660063772784292009-05-27T10:58:00.002-04:002014-05-10T12:39:04.833-04:00The Fat Acceptance Hypocrisy<em>I have to admit, I've been flirting with the idea. It would make life so much easier and lower my stress levels significantly. Gone would be the guilt, the frustration, the early mornings. Yep, the <a href="http://www.naafaonline.com/dev2/">Fat Acceptance Movement </a>seems more appealing every day. These people and their fearless leaders such as <a href="http://kateharding.net/">Kate Harding</a> and <a href="http://www.therotund.com/">Marianne Kirby</a> appear to have made peace with their own weight loss battles and have decided they can have their cake and eat it too! They just seem so free and unfettered by societys demand that they be a size 2 and count every calorie they shove in their mouths and exercise 3 hours a day just to stay lean and fit. God I wish i could join them. Imagine the freedom of being able to enjoy a donut when buying that morning coffee, or ordering that pizza in a size larger so that you can enjoy the leftovers later or if you so choose, finish it off right then and there. To be able to go to the movies and order Combo #1, you know, the one with the refillable large popcorn and drink with candy and not think about the 4000+ calories you're about to ingest in one sitting. Or being able to stop at the chip truck and ordering some of those greasy, fresh cut fries covered in salt and vinegar, God my mouth is watering right now just thinking about it.</em><br />
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<em>But, as wonderful as all that sounds, I simply cannot do it. Why? Because, in the end, I hate being fat. I hate not fitting into booths at a restaurant, I hate not fitting into regular seats on the bus, on a plane, at the movies, in amusement park rides, anywhere there are seats. And speaking of seats, I hate that creaking sound of furniture straining and groaning under the weight of my big fat arse and the rather large dip in my bed where I sleep at night. I hate not being able to buy decent looking and fitting clothes, although clothing makers are getting much better at this as they've figured out there is money to be made since more and more people are becoming obese and require larger clothing! I hate feeling tired and lazy, everything seems so much harder when you're fat: climbing stairs, walking, any type of manual labour, sports, dancing, anything that requires you to move. Then there's just how I look fat, the big round face which makes my head look more enormous than it already is, the gut hanging out over my belt, that big roll of flab that circles my abdomen, my man boobs, my thighs that appear attached at the knee, that overall pear shape that is so pleasing to the eye.</em><br />
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<em>Nope, I just can't do it. I spent the first 34 years of my life as a fat person, first just fat, then morbidly obese, then just obese before finally getting a handle on it and finding my way to looking fairly average to just a few pounds overweight (well probably 20-25 or so). When I first found the will to diet and hit the gym religiously, I did it as part of a self improvement plan which included returning to college and getting my life together as a whole. I saw my weight as a detriment to success in all aspects of life: career, social, dating. I wanted to be part of life, not on the fringes of it. Being thinner, prospective employers wouldn't be distracted by my size and thus would not fall prey to the stereotypes about fat people, such as that they're lazy, undisciplined, unclean, etc. Being thinner, my social life would open up as I would happily take part in activities such as sports, dances, and other outings where people congregate and enjoy life, this would mean friends. Being thinner, my dating life would open up exponentially. No longer would I have to settle for women that were open to dating fat guys, usually fat themselves or burdened by emotional issues and looking for love wherever they may find it.</em><br />
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<em>Being fat is simply not where its at. And although the supporters of the Fat Acceptance Movement would have you believe otherwise, your life, ironically, is quite a bit smaller when you're fat. I've been reading the blog entries of some of these FA people and the articles that have featured them in an attempt to understand their point of view, and to be honest, I don't get it. Despite the pronouncements that they simply don't care what other people think of them and the countless links to the few studies that seem to support their claims that you can be fat and healthy, they come off as angry, bitter, approaching middle aged bitches. Every blog post ridicules someone who disagrees with them and their philosophy, be it a doctor, the author of a study, a commenter to a blogpost (who is immediately labelled a troll), or another blogger or <a href="http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2008/01/sweet-jesus-i-hate-dan-savage.html">columnist</a> who dares challenge them on this subject. They've even managed to turn off some of the <a href="http://biglibertyblog.com/2008/04/18/i-think-i-know-why-i-was-kicked-off-the-fa-feed/">very people </a>who once supported them in their war on the world. Sounds kinda like the Bush Administration doesn't it? You're either with us or you're with the terrorists. Very black and white.</em><br />
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<em>After reading some of these blogs and the articles I've found online that discuss the movement and interview Harding and others, I can't help but feel these folks are just hypocrites. They decry their treatment at the hands of others yet volley their own bombs back, and sometimes quite viciously. They refuse to take responsibility for their size, instead blaming genetics and yo-yo dieting. Well yo-yo dieting is a bad thing I'll agree, but genetics? Come on. I come from a fat family, we're all prone to weight gain but none of us eat a healthy balanced diet either. Even now, despite the fact that I eat salad and fruit regularly, don't eat junk food as a rule, nor do I eat out much, I'm still battling my weight. Why? Because I overeat the good stuff! Not to mention that when I have a bad weekend, I have a BAD WEEKEND. Even something as innocent as grapes can be bad if consumed in large quantities. I eat tons of grapes in a week, always in the evenings when sitting in front of the TV, in addition to my dinner, my lunch, whatever fruit I brought to work to munch on that day. It adds up. </em><br />
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<em>To me, they just seem to have given up, and are looking for any excuse available to justify their viewpoint, even if it means bending the truth, quoting out of context or ignoring the massive number of studies that link obesity to all sorts of diseases and health issues. Somehow it makes sense that this movement would come to be and develop a zealous following. We are getting fatter for any number of reasons and we're getting pretty defensive about it at the same time. If it were simply genetics, wouldn't humans have always been fat throughout time? Why is it the obesity epidemic has only become so in the last 20 or so years? Don't think people are fatter now than before? Go to a mall, go to a bar or a club on a Saturday night, go to a beach, in fact, go anywhere there are people and just take a look around! There are more fatties walking around than ever before. And they're getting younger. Don't believe me? Check out the teenage girls walking around in their belly tops and too tight pants. Where do you think the term "muffin top" came from? I don't remember seeing that in high school back in the early 80's. Now its everywhere. </em><br />
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<em>Nope, denying there is an obesity problem or blaming genetics is just like saying global warming is a fraud. Only people that refuse to take responsibility make those types of statements.</em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-32514173231304106322009-05-13T16:06:00.002-04:002009-05-13T17:00:27.827-04:00<em>Read an article the other day by a writer who wrote a letter to his 16 year old self. It was interesting as others also wrote themselves letters, each offering encouragement and advice. I was intrigued by this idea so I decided to jump on the bandwagon and write my 16 year old self a letter, but only deal with the weight issue since this is what this blog is about. Of course I could go on about school, women, careers, friends and so forth but this is not the place.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Dear Me,</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>While you're not completely aware of how big you are, you will become acutely aware of it soon. This is because you are not going to shrink any time in the near future, rather, you will continue to grow and your insecurities and self esteem will shrink instead. I know you are aware you are overweight and the object of some ridicule at school, but believe me, it's only going to get worse unless you take action now.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Notice how you are dateless currently despite your best efforts to woo certains girls you like at school? No, it's not because you aren't likeable, it's because you're fat and chicks don't dig fat guys. They also don't want to be with the guy who is the butt of so many immature fat jokes made mostly by the jocks you despise so much. This issue is only going to continue for you as you make your way out of high school and into real life. Yes, there will be girls, but they won't be what you want, instead they'll be girls you'll settle for, other fatties or retards with emotional problems who just want someone to love them. And you'll do that, yes you'll provide that love and comfort, but at what price? Your happiness? Your sanity? Your soul? You will become that guy the girls like, but as a friend. Someone they can confide in and trust. And you, you will listen and support them all the while gritting your teeth and shaking your head at these girls who insist on dating these assholes hoping that maybe, just maybe, one might see that you are a better choice. Don't hold your breath.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>You know how you love to drum and play in rock bands? Yes, it's fun isn't it? Well nobody who is serious about taking to the stage wants a fat drummer. You know this. You will miss out a few times, not because you didn't have the talent to play for them, but because you are fat. Look at pictures of rockers you aspire to be like, no fat guys to be seen. You are a good enough drummer to impress any of these musicians but they won't even consider you once they see you. And no amount of great auditions will change that. Trust me, I've been there. And the rejection will hurt, a lot. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Hockey's been fun, you're known as a good goaltender among the coaches and players. But you're carrying too much weight and getting equipment that fits you properly is hard on mom. She doesn't have the money to buy new so finding used equipment that is large enough is almost impossible. And you're too slow to move and react to the play, not only are you carting around 50 or more pounds of equipment on your frame, you're carrying all that fat! No wonder you can't move well. Your size does help you in stopping pucks at times, but you're limited and you can be better.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>You need to get it together and lose the weight while you're still young and able to. Your metabolism is faster, you've got youth and energy on your side, and your body will shrink down properly as you lose the weight. You've been to the gym, you know what its about. But you need to focus on what you're doing there. Those aerobic classes are a good source of exercise but you need to do more in the gym. Find an elliptical or run on the treadmill, burn those calories!</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>As for your diet, you need to change a few things. Stop having a couple of sandwiches for a snack in the evening, in fact, cut back on the bread altogether. Learn to like diet pop, you just need to adjust your taste buds. Avoid chips and other salty snacks, they are only helping to bring you down. Get off the juice and enjoy real fruit, you will develop a taste for it and it will happen fast. Eat salad, find a low calorie dressing and enjoy that. Discover roasted veggies, green, red and yellow peppers with mushrooms and zuchinni, this will become a passion for you but you should try it now, not later. Stop the pizza!! It has to be the worst thing you're eating and it will become a nasty habit. If you get a handle on it now, this won't be an issue. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Learn moderation, enough with the all or nothing thinking. There will be pizza tomorrow, same with hamburgers, bread, chips, etc. You can enjoy things in smaller quantities, I know it tastes so good and one is never enough, but you have to find a way of portioning out the foods you love and crave so that you don't continue to battle your weight over the remainder of your lifetime. You're seeking refuge in food, looking for comfort in eating. But I assure you, if you get it together now, you'll be happier and your self esteem will grow. You won't need artificial comfort, you will have friends and women. Your social circle will grow because you won't feel like an outsider anymore and you're young enough to make these changes easier. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I've suffered the pain of being overweight, the rejections, the humiliations, the loneliness, the insecurity, the ridicule. You think you have it bad now? Just wait a little longer. It does get worse. Your life will come to a standstill both personally and professionally. You will suffer throught many weight loss programs and a surgery you will come to regret. It will almost cost you your life eventually. But you can avoid all that and give both of us a chance at a happier existence. Your remaining teenage years and your 20's don't have to be wasted. You can make it happen. I know that light bulb hasn't gone off in your head yet, in fact it won't until you're in your early 30's and by that time, much damage will have been done. Damage that cannot be undone despite the best intentions of those who love you, in particular one who you will come to love like no other. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>No, the change must be made now and it must be made by you. No doctor, family member or friend will make the change for you. It will be hard, I won't lie. Working out daily is tough, dieting is tougher. But don't think of it as a diet, it's not a diet. It's a lifestyle change, a lifestyle that healthy, fit people live. And healthy fit people have better lives than fat ones do. You want to be accepted, being fit will help in that. People like you, but you're introverted and quiet. You know its only because you don't want people to notice you, because you know they'll notice the fat. It doesn't have to be that way. There is a better way and a better life waiting for you. Reach deep within yourself and find that spark. Use whatever motivation you need, be it social acceptance, women, a desire to just look good, health, whatever it takes. Do this and I promise your life will get infinitely better. It has to.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Good luck.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Me.</em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-20733975125462047322009-05-06T12:05:00.003-04:002009-05-06T12:53:09.554-04:00<em>Overheard an interesting conversation the other day at they gym between two middle aged guys in the cardio area. They were talking about whether it's easier to work out in the mornings or later in the day. They both agreed that working out later in the day was easier, but one preferred getting his workout done in the mornings to "get it out of the way".</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I have to agree. I find getting up in the morning and heading to the gym first thing to be a labourious chore; you're not awake yet, you're clumsy and foggy and barely operating in first gear. I think many people feel this way when heading to work in the mornings, they don't really find their stride until maybe an hour or more into the day. This isn't too much of an issue in the workplace, but at the gym, it's death. Finding the will to exert yourself and work through your routine first thing in the morning requires true commitment, and even then, something more. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I'm committed to hitting the gym every morning Monday to Friday, but many days I just want to stay in bed. When I arrive, I don't have the drive to push myself, and I'm doing cardio! All I have to do is climb up onto the elliptical and start pedalling. But why is this so hard? Resentment over having to get up out of my nice, warm, comfy bed? Maybe. I resent rising to an alarm clock anyway so doing so just to go to the gym doesn't help. Exhaustion? No, I get roughly 8 hrs sleep a night give or take. And I sit down for a living, which while that does create a tendency to doze off due to inactivity, isn't physically strenuous. Just not awake yet? Probably. Like I said, you just aren't yourself at that hour, I know I'm still clumsy and foggy and I'm definitely not a morning person. I prefer to get up (on my own), and just sit and wake up slowly, preferably with a cup of coffee and something to read.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Last Wednesday I attended the gym after work as Red had an Ab Attack class she attends and I figured it was an opportunity to get some weight lifting in, plus my morning workout had been lacklustre as a result of feeling tired and foggy and I felt an need to do a bit more despite also having been participating in cardio classes most evenings as well. This was also when I overheard the gentlemen discussing the pros and cons of morning/afternoon workouts.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I have to admit, I felt great on the elliptical, burned through two 25 minute sessions and another 20 minutes on the bike. Nothing like my morning experiences. I also lifted a few weights before meeting up with Red after her class. What a difference a few hours makes! I was awake, alert and had energy, just like when I attend those cardio classes. But my schedule makes it hard for me to give up those morning routines. The reason I attend in the mornings is because Red works at 7 am so she's up at 5:30 and in bed around 9pm. I work at 9am so I don't have to be in bed before 11pm if I don't want to. In order to square up our schedules, I chose to get up early and hit the gym so that we could spend our evenings together. And it's been a good choice overall, I go most days which was a problem when I was going in the evenings, too many other options at that time. At least with the mornings, I'm consistent even if I'm struggling most mornings with the workout. And it allows us to attend those cardio classes together which I love. Plus, there's fewer people there in the mornings so you can always get the equipment or machines you want without delay whereas in the evenings, it's much busier and you can spend a lot of time waiting.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I didn't go this morning as Red had been up most of the night sick and felt the need to see a doctor finally. I had woken up a couple of hours before my normal time and couldn't get back to sleep knowing she wasn't well until she left for the emergency department. I figured I'd just grab some breakfast before heading to the gym, but then decided to just go back to bed since I knew I'd be at the gym tonight and could catch up on what I missed. I guess going twice a day has this benefit. If I miss one workout, I can still make it up later that day. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I'm a bit worried though that I'm taking advantage of this situation. Not so much in missing my morning workouts as I haven't yet, but of allowing myself to eat more because I am at the gym more often. In addition to going in the mornings Monday thru Friday, I'm also taking cardio classes Monday, Tuesday and Thursday and spending another hour and a half on Wednesday evening while Red is in her ab class. That's 9 visits a week and that doesn't include any visits we might make on the weekend. This abundance of gym attendance has given me the notion that I can eat more since I burning more. It isn't much more, a sandwich from the cafeteria at lunch along with my salad or soup, or an indulgence in the evenings, say a Drumstick ice cream cone. Normally I don't do this, but lately I have been and I'm worried about it. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>The nice advantage to Red joining the gym and us attending cardio classes was that it was extra time in the gym for me to burn off what I normally ate and help me with my weight loss struggles (or battles) since I've been up and down the scale with alarming frequency the last few months. But my inner fat guy is seeing this as an opportunity to enjoy a few things I don't usually allow myself. For instance, when I was up this morning, I enjoyed a bowl of Corn Flakes and some grapes, something I never do during the week. For lunch I decided to have a can of Chunky soup and my salad along with my apples for snacks. Well leave it to me to decide that since I won't be home after work, instead going straight to the gym, I won't be eating anything substantial to get me through both the day and a workout so I should get something more filling. And what did I choose to do? I headed over to Subway for a turkey sub. Not the worst thing a person could do, but certainly something I didn't need to do. So at this writing, I've eaten all 4 of the apples and the sub, not to mention the Corn Flakes and grapes from 5:30am. My soup remains on my desk unopened and my salad sits in the fridge. I'm not hungry so I doubt I'll eat anything else, but I do suffer from that mid afternoon hunger, is it really hunger or just boredom? So I might just eat that salad then. I don't think I'll touch the soup. Once I'm home tonight, probably close to 7, I'll need to figure out dinner. It can't be something heavy since I've eaten a bowl of cereal and a full sub, but it'll need to be something substantial. We do have some roasted veggies and a meat patty leftover from last night plus there's still some stir fry left from the weekend so I think I'll be alright. But Red chose to stay home from work so I don't know what she might be planning. Either way, I need to be smart here.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-55555171735029983712009-05-01T11:04:00.003-04:002009-05-01T11:27:43.062-04:00<em>So we got the weight and measurements done last Saturday. I came in at 214lb and my measurements were not a surprise. I had Red take some pictures of me from the front, side and back, just to have a reference point later on when I'm wondering if there's a difference visually. I figure i'll have pics done every month but I'm not completely sold on that idea yet. When I saw the pics, I saw a totally different me than the one I see in the mirror every day. I don't know if it was the lighting or the way cameras take pictures, but I looked terrible, all flabby and gross looking. My man boobs seemed to jut out even worse than I thought, the roll around my waist seemed more pronounced and sickening than I perceived. Red said they didn't reflect how i actually looked and that they are not how people see me. But how does she know that? Nobody but her, and the beach goers in Cuba, know what I look like without a shirt on. A couple of summers ago, we spent the day up at her parents pool and I was terribly self conscious of how i looked. Thankfully there was only her parents there, I don't think I would have felt comfortable had any of her siblings been around.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Anyway, I downloaded the pics into a folder on her computer and immediately deleted the pics from the camera lest somebody accidentally come across them. The last thing I need is for someone to be glancing at pics and come across this mishapen John Merrick looking abomination in his red underwear. Talk about losing your lunch! There is definitely a difference in how i look in the mirror and how I look in those pics. Maybe the digital camera causes your imperfections to be more pronounced....then again maybe I really do look like that and I just think I look differently. Either way, it made me never want to take my shirt off again.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>We're just over 2 weeks into our new regimen and neither of us are seeing a weightloss on the scale, although Red said her pants felt better. I would take that as a positive as the scale isn't always true about what is actually going on with your body. I'm thinking the cardio classes are building some lean muscle tissue and that is offsetting any scale losses right now. My own body feels tighter, even if it doesn't look it. I had hoped to see at least a couple of pounds or more off by now as I've been getting in about 9 visits to the gym per week since this began. I'm going to need to see something soon or I really am going to lose my shit.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Another thing I'm finding besides the physical exhaustion is that I'm hungrier in the day now. This has led me into our workplace cafe for toasted turkey sandwiches in the mornings. Not every morning, but a few. Added up, they aren't bad calorie wise, but in the context of a full day, they are an extra 400 calories give or take i could do without. Maybe this is where my weightloss is? I don't feel like i'm eating more than before other than the sandwich. I need to get that under control, but what to do about this hunger? I think with the extra workout, my body is just needing more. But at what cost? I'll have to see what the scale brings tomorrow and maybe rethink what i'm doing.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Still no real cravings, which is nice, but I'm still munching when I'm not hungry in the evenings. It's mostly fruit but one of the things I enjoy is a banana smoothie and sometimes when i make one, I'm not even hungry. I just want it. Why is that? Its not a bad thing to drink, couple of bananas, cup or 2 of 1% milk and some splenda with ice. I could probably cut down to 1 banana and cup of milk, but I'm not known for my portion control. This is my biggest problem. Need to get a handle on it.</em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-42994465234929840332009-04-29T10:01:00.002-04:002009-04-29T10:36:05.580-04:00<em>I'm sore. I ache all over. And I'm physically tired.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>It's been 2 weeks since we joined the new gym and started taking cardio classes together. So far it's going well, we're hitting about 3 classes a week after work, Red has her ab class on Wednesday and I'm in the gym in the mornings. Tonight while she's in her class, I'm going to hit a strength and toning class on my own since I didn't do much this morning and don't want to lose out. I almost didn't go as my body is probably telling me to slow down, but I really don't see myself as over working. It isn't that hard to do a couple of 20-25 minute stints on the ellliptical and another 20 minutes on a bike. But when you're feeling out of gas, it's asking a lot. This morning, I rode the bike for 30 minutes and lifted some weights, but I should have done more. Hence the toning class tonight. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>One of the few issues we're having, is that the facility we take these classes at isn't as close to home as we'd like. The facility we signed up at and where I go in the mornings is only 10 minutes away but they don't offer the variety or number of classes as the other facility, so we're stuck making this 20 minute trek in rush hour traffic, which can potentially become much longer depending on traffic flow. Another issue is that our Salsa dance class is at the same facility on Tuesday nights at 8:30 and the cardio class we like is at 6 which means we have to figure out what to do between 7 and 8:30. It doesn't make much sense to go home then return, but we can't just not eat either. Red's home earlier than I am so she can eat before we leave. I suppose I have time, as long as I get home by 5, to grab something before class to get me through, but it's a problem to be solved.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>So far, we've taken a cardio tone, strength and tone, steps and reps, and something called a low core class. We like them all except for the step class, too confusing. I'd taken one a few years ago just for the experience, but I found it hard to follow and spent so much time concentrating on performing the routine (badly) and keeping up, that I neglected the arm movement (important) and didn't feel like I got a workout at all. I warned Red about it but she dismissed it as just me being crazy. I mean, how hard could it be? You step up then you step down again. Easy. Ya right.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>It isn't the stepping up and down that's so hard, it's the routine the instructor does. She's mixing it up, step left, swing right leg out, drop right leg, step down with left, up with right, knee raise with left, step down with left, step down with right, step right, step left, do something with your arms, left knee raise, now do doubles, cross the stepper, step left, step right, swing your arms......etc. At least with a regular aerobic class it's easier to follow. But for whatever reason, the step class isn't so easy. The instructor even warned us that it takes 5 to 10 classes to get the routine down. 5 to 10! Somehow I don't see that as a selling point. Anyway, after stumbling our way through this equivalent of a quantum physics class, Red saw my point. We won't be doing that again. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Since our membership to this facility was only for a month, we'll be changing things up again in 2 weeks when our Goodlife membership activates. From what I saw of the classes schedule, they offer many good classes at good times for us and the gym is closer to home so our travelling time will be cut. One of the problems we're having as well is cooking dinner. Since many of the classes we like are offered at 6, there isn't much time to prepare a decent meal beforehand. If we wait until after, we're looking at at least an hour before eating and that makes for a late dinner, especially for Red who doesn't eat during the day usually. We're working out solutions to this like cooking the day before and reheating, or fixing simpler quick meals, but many of the meals we enjoy take a bit of time. One of my favourites, roasted veggies, requires the cutting and marinating of the veggies for about an hour before cooking. And throwing something together on what we call "munching night" isn't always a good solution; there's a tendency to overeat. But we're smart people, we'll get it under control.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-65470323514626416192009-04-23T10:39:00.002-04:002009-04-23T10:58:07.808-04:00<em>God I'm tired. I mean totally physically spent. Since getting the new membership at the gym with Red, I've been going every morning Monday to Friday for my 6am workout, plus taking a couple of cardio and toning classes in the evenings and dropping in once or twice on top of that to do some weights. That's a lot of time in the gym. And my body is feeling it. I just hope the scale agrees with my new regimen.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Dinner's been a bit of a problem during the week since we're busier. In addition to the gym workouts, we still take a couple of dance classes, on Tuesday and Thursdays. So on some days, we're in the gym then going to dance which fills in the evening. On other days, the class we want to take is at 6 or so, so preparing a decent meal is hard. Usually on these hard to cook nights, we eat leftovers which is fine, or we munch which can be trouble. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Munching is trouble because we aren't preparing a full meal so the tendency to eat more occurs especially when I've decided to eat say soup and Red goes with salmon and a salad. Simply put, it isn't very filling which leads to more munching. I guess the answer is to plan out our meals in advance so that we can prepare them as best we can beforehand and therefore have a decent meal every night. I like munching night as a rule, but as stated, the tendency to overeat is greater which isn't so good.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I came across a plan from a diet site i like to help aid in our endeavour: marking the calendar with weightloss goals every week or bi-weekly plus keeping track of measurements which are a good source of information about the changes your body is making. Another thing I want to do is take some pictures and keep a visual record of the changes. Sometimes when the scale isn't cooperating, it's encouraging to have other sources of info to keep you motivated because nobody knows better than us how discouraging it is to see that scale not move or even go up when you know you've been good. But it doesn't mean nothing good is happening, sometimes its muscles growth, sometimes its bloat or water retention. Just relying on the scale is not a good indicator of your progress and I do believe this plan will help, especially me.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>In the meantime, I'm tired......I need a break.</em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-42172050359907556872009-04-20T10:23:00.002-04:002009-04-20T11:09:16.965-04:00<em>"Much good work is lost for the lack of a little more."</em><br /><em><span style="font-size:85%;">Edward H. Harriman</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></em><br /><em>Seem familiar? It does for me as it sums up my battle with the bulge. I can dutifully visit the gym every morning, do my regular workout and feel good that I accomplished that goal, but then blow it by indulging in some food item later that day that I should have avoided. Result? All those calories burned wasted and no weight loss.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>In 2000, when I made my decision to join the gym and diet to lose the weight, I had little problem abstaining from junk, fast food, larger portions or any other pitfall that could sink me. I ate well, ate light and hit the gym 5 days a week for a rigorous workout that saw me lose up to 10lb a month. But that was then, this is now. Since resuming a healthier diet and renewed committment to the gym in September of 2007, I've gained and lost weight and been on a yo-yo. The first 3 months were great, I went from about 226 to 207 before the problems started and my yo-yoing began. First it was Christmas, then after that debacle and righting those wrongs, it was Easter, then vacation, then whatever. You see the pattern. </em><em>Do some hard work in the gym, eat right and avoid temptation, then fall off the wagon. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>At then end of last summer, I was feeling pretty good at 196lb. I wanted to go down to about 185-190 and felt good coming into the fall. But a change up in my workout (adding weights), and a few too many indulgences, saw me bloat up to 213lbs which is about where i remain. A bad trip to Cuba, followed by a week of doctored ordered rest due to a painful injury, then a week of limbo thanks to my gym closing further sunk me. All I needed to do was that little more. Maybe I couldn't hit the gym for a week due to injury or because my gym closed unexpectedly, but I certainly didn't need to eat without having an outlet to burn off the calories. All that hard work.........</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I'd like to think that when I get to my desired weight and body size, that I'll be able to maintain it with little trouble. But getting there isn't the hard part, it may seem that way, but its actually much easier than maintaining. When I lost the rest of my weight back in 2001, I got lazy. I still went to the gym, but not as often and when I did, I didn't work as hard. Also, I was dating and you know how that goes: you go out to eat, you sit and snack, you drink, etc. Before long, I had gained about 30lbs and needed to resume my earlier habits. This happened again in 2007. After my illness and recovery, I gained an extra 30 or so pounds which I needed to lose again, eerily similar to 2001.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>So my biggest issue may be maintenance. I've been at a good weight a couple of times in the last 10 years but always managed to botch it up. One of the things that annoys me to no end is buying nice clothes I love when I'm at that good weight and then not being able to fit into them later on thanks to laziness and gluttony. Most of my clothes seem to fit me as I stay within this 20lb window, but I have some that were purchased when I was a slimmer 180-190lbs that I haven't worn in a couple of years. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I don't know why I feel I can let myself off the hook sometimes when I'm down on the scale, I know I'm only going to gain the weight back and be miserable with myself later. I need to find that balance, that little more work to keep it off. Perfect example? Friday night we cooked popcorn, Red made a pot but I decided we needed more to fill that extra sized plastic bowl we were using. That also required extra butter and salt. So two pots of popcorn (we didn't even use the air popper which we normally would!) and god knows how much butter later, I was feeling guilty and kicking myself for my indiscretion. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Sadly, this is not an uncommon occurence. But it needs to become one.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>So here I am, about 20 or so pounds from where i want to be. Now I'm not as concerned this time because Red joined the gym and we are taking cardio type classes in the evenings plus doing some weights in addition to my morning workouts. This will, I have no doubt, have a huge impact on my weightloss as I'm getting an extra 4 or more hours a week in the gym. If I can just do that little more work at home when I've got the munchies and not set myself back, I should be good for the wedding in September. Red's fired up, she's caught the bug so there should be no stopping us. A new gym, a new workout buddy and renewed motivation should get us where we need to be.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-20805046307611461652009-04-16T14:17:00.003-04:002009-04-16T15:08:45.270-04:00<em>I gotta start writing more often, but I'd rather write when I've got something to say, rather than whine and bitch about the same old.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>So I've been going to the gym regularly for almost 10 years now and it's a part of my life, a part I miss very much when it's gone. It's not that I love going to the gym, far from it, but I've become dependent on it being there as a check against my sins. Last week, my life was torn apart. Queue dramatics.......</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Red's never believed in the gym, I think she used the word scam or something of that nature at one point. But she came around and surprised me with the announcement that she'd like to join and do some cardio classes and stuff like that. Of course I was ecstatic! I knew this was the only way she was going to shed those 10lb she's been complaining about for so long and it gave me a workout buddy. Plus, on a selfish note, it allowed me some more time in the gym during evenings to aid in my weightloss endeavours. It was win-win.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>My membership wasn't due up until July but I thought maybe they would cut us a break seeing as I was an upstanding member and let her in at some reduced rate. After some haggling, the boss gave us both a year plus that extra 3 months leading up to July for Red for a sweet deal if we paid cash. Not thinking anything of it, we paid. Done, right? Well not quite.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>We showed up Monday night for an awesome circuit training class and i continued to do my mornings as per usual. Until Wednesday. I wandered in just after 6am to find the gates closed and 2 signs hanging. One was a lease termination notice from the mall, the other a hand written note stating that "the gym had closed. A new facility will be opening very soon. All memberships will be honoured." I was stunned. I spent the day at work wondering what I was going to do. Red came home that day and I told her the news worried that this impression would kill her desire to join a gym , any gym. Aside from the feeling of being ripped off, which I did too, she was still game.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Now part of this might have been because I've been through this before. A few years ago, a gym I had longed belonged to suddenly closed its doors. A new owner showed up only a couple of weeks later and reopened and memberships were honoured. So i wasn't too worried this time. After all, its the same gym with the same equipment, a new owner probably hasn't put any captial into it and its got a membership that isn't going to pay again for the privilege to work out there. So I feel okay about this. However, what to do in the meantime? I mean, we have no idea how long the gym was going to be closed or what the deal would be once it reopened. I can't wait idly by for this situation to resolve. I need the exercise, of that there is no doubt. A couple of weeks of being away from the gym would be catastrophic. I needed a plan.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>It would have easy for me to just grab a monthly membership at another gym and play it by ear until my gym sorted itself out, but I had Red to think about. We needed a gym with an aerobics studio for classes and one that was convenient. The city recreational centres were perfect as Red was already taking an Ab Attack class on Wednesdays and had the chance to scope the facilities out. We went and looked at it together and got the price. So far so good. But then Red chimed in about her corporate wellness program at work that allowed us a great deal on a membership to Goodlife. This is where everything went south.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>We dropped into Goodlife and had to fill out a form with our personal info just to be taken through the facility. Obviously a sales tactic to get your info and spam your inbox. The guy who showed us was young, a gym rat himself, and obviously hungry to sell everything he could to us "newcomers". What he didn't count on was that I wasn't new to this environment and knew what we needed, and secondly, that Red was going to purchase using her corporate wellness program which would reduce the sale to less than half. Suddenly he wasn't so eager any more.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Anyway, we got the info we needed and really liked the facility so being as it was coming into the Easter weekend holiday, we elected to join Goodlife for a full year at the beginning of this week and restart our program. For the price, it just made more sense than going monthly and hoping the old gym would reopen. Easy enough? Well.....ya, here's where the fun began.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Turns out the corporate wellness program only signs up memberships on the 15th of every month and they require you send them the money and forms which takes time and then you have to wait another 7-10 days for your membership cards to arrive in the mail. Oh joy! So if we went this route, we wouldn't be signed up until May 15, a full month later. No good. So Red drops into the Goodlife close to her work to see about getting just a monthly until the full membership is processed. Holding a form stating that through the corporate program we'll only pay $40 for the month, but unable to go this route thanks to the snails pace it takes, she's told it'll cost $93 a piece for the month. Are you fucking kidding me? $93?!?! For a month??? And the girl said this with a straight face. Like we should be honoured that Goodlife would even have us. Needless to say, after questioning this logic, Red left.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>So it was back to the city facility. I'd had enough of the bullshit and city gym was good. We dropped in yesterday and joined for a month. Red sent in the money and paperwork through her corporate program for the yearly at Goodlife so we should be ready to go May 15 there. We'll see.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>In the meantime, I made my debut at the new gym this morning and it was refreshing to be at a new facility. The equipment's pretty much the same as every other gym so getting started was easy. There are schedules for cardio classes and the like at each city facility so we've chosen a few to attend, starting tonight. I'm looking forward to it, the extra workout, my baby at my side, a new start.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I don't know what's going to happen at my old gym. If and when they reopen, if they honour our memberships, at least we'll have that option too. But I'm not worried about it. I like the idea of being in a new environment, I've been needing a pick me up in that area and this fits. Despite the hassle with Goodlife, they offer a great facility with many great classes, we're really looking forward to it. But I've never had so much trouble just getting a membership to a stupid gym! I was ready to lose my shit and almost did. But so did Red. I think its a testament to our relationship that we managed to keep it together with each other despite the stress.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I love my baby.</em><br /><em></em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-17156624759967743752009-03-22T12:07:00.002-04:002009-03-22T12:23:43.662-04:00Amazing<em>Yesterday, I found out something that made my day. I had avoided the scale since my vacation for reasons stated in my last post. I felt that I had gained a lot of weight recently and was feeling pretty down about this set back and having to once again lose weight I had thought long gone. But I decided that I should know where I stood just so that I had a reference point to work from. So with that mind, I reluctantly stepped on the scale expecting the worst. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>What I saw made me smile: 213lb, the weight I was before I left for Cuba. How did this little miracle happen? I haven't a clue. As stated before, I ate and ate with little to no activity. I saw how big and hard my belly was, I knew how tighter my shirts felt, to me there was no doubt I had messed up big time. But lo and behold, there it was: 213lb. It was as if time had stopped for those 3 weeks and none of my transgressions had come to pass. I was elated.</em><br /><br /><em>As I said, I have no idea what happened. One week back on the diet, or lifestyle change, and some gym time should have not been enough to fix what I thought had happened. So how to explain? Red said she thought I had overshot my estimates on my weight and that I was bloated, but nowhere near what I thought. Turns out she was right. So again, what happened? I haven't a clue and I'm not going to spend too much time worrying about it. All I know is that I'm not as much of a cow as I thought and I haven't set myself back as far as I feared. And that makes me feel really good.</em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-15409949565799129172009-03-20T10:26:00.003-04:002009-03-20T11:55:16.477-04:00Back at it<em>So Cuba is a memory and I'm back to my real life.....super. Cuba was better than what I expected and once we actually ate there and found out the food wasn't all that great, there was hope that without all the food calories, I might escape my vacation with no real damage. But alas, after a couple of days of wandering around the resort, we discovered a small convenience store on site filled with all kinds of chocolates and cookies. I don't know why I did it, but I ended up buying some of this junk and it was all downhill from there.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>While there were 5 restaurants on site, only one, the buffet style one, didn't require reservations so we ended up eating there most days. First was breakfast, something neither of us do as a rule, but there it was every morning beckoning us. Fortunately, the bacon was horribly undercooked making it a rare treat and the french toast was left in a heating tray to get soggy and gross. There was lots of veggies and fruit available, but no apples, grapes or good pineapple for me to indulge in. Unfortunately, the bread was good making toast an obvious choice, eggs are eggs, there was a pancake and waffle station that was very good too, and lots of cheese. They had no sweetnener so my coffee contained sugar for the first time in ages. You can see where this is going.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>We skipped lunch but dinner was much the same. A lot of not so great food, lots of veggies and fruits, but the one bright spot for me was the pizza and pasta station. The good part was that the pizzas were really good, the pasta was good enough but the lineup for it was ridiculous. The bad part was that the pizza was really good and while the lineup for it wasn't bad at all, it took a good 10-15 minutes to get it prepared and cooked so I spent much time standing at the station instead of seated with my girl. And since they were small thin crust with not much on them, it required more than one to make a meal (at least in my opinion). Oh, and pizza is high in calories, I'm sure even these thin ones had more than I needed to ingest, so an almost daily diet of these isn't doing me much good. You can see where this is going.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>And the drinks. Of course you can't go to Cuba and not drink. After all, that's most of what you end up doing while lying in the sun not moving, getting no physical activity. For most of the trip, I never saw a diet cola, only the regular. So i was drinking rum and colas, beer, and the odd dacquiri. Let's add up those calories. Better yet, let's not.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>There is a gym on site and I did bring my gym clothes with the intention of spending a few hours there, and while we did talk a bit about it, it never happened. There was just too much lying in the sun to be done, or sitting in the lounge drinking. The most exercise we got was the day we spent walking around Havana. It's weird how your body settles back into a sedentary state so quickly; the walking about was tiring and my back, which hasn't been right for a while, started acting up. You can see where this is going.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>We were there for 7 days and I woke up on the sixth day with a very painful and stiff neck. The bed and pillow sucked, even Red was suffering, and it appeared my neck could take no more. I got through the last couple of days and we headed home. With my bad neck, I was unable to return to the gym and after a few more days of intense pain, finally went to emerg for a look. Turns out it was inflammation so I was given an anti-imflammatory and some percocet and ordered to a week of bed rest. Now, I'm no good when I'm just sitting idle at home. I get bored easily and I munch. You can see where this is going.</em><br /><br /><em>I was finally able to return to work and the gym this past Monday. Now after 3 weeks of little to no activity, lots of food, both regular and junk, and drink, you can imagine the shape I was in. There was no doubt I had gained weight. A lot of weight. My belly was hard and protruding further than it had since I got serious again in September of 2007 and changed my diet and exercise regime. All that hard work, all those pounds lost, gone. I haven't stepped on the scale but I don't have to. I can see the damage and so can Red. My shirts are tighter, my face rounder. When I left for Cuba, I was about 213lb. Though I wasn't happy about that, I attributed much of it to my weight lifting regime and the muscle I had gained. When I began the weights in November, I weighed about 203, up from a low of 196 in late August, but nothing to be overly concerned about. Almost immediately, I put on 5lb which I expected. But it kept coming on. While my body was changing to reflect the new workout, my weight stopped going down. I did worry at first, but was reassured by a few people that I was looking good so I stopped being too concerned.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>However, now I am back to where I started I'm sure. Not back to the start start when I weighed 370lb, but to where I was that September morning when I began this latest crusade. The morning workouts have been brutal; I'm not doing weights right now, my neck and back are still not in great shape and I don't want to aggravate whatever is going on there, but I'm back to cardio full time. Two 20-30 minute stretches on the elliptical and a further 20 on a stationary bike along with some back stretches i learned in physio and some lunges to keep my thighs and hamstrings strong. I think I'm going to continue this for another week or two, it'll really depend on how my body feels. Right now I'm just draggin my ass through the workouts, usually after having some time away from the gym, I'm ready and raring to go but not this time. I feel like I'm running in mud, my energy level is just not that high. It should get better as I go, but goddamn this week hasn't been easy.</em><br /><br />I'm not worried about losing the extra weight, my diet is under control for the most part and I'm back to doing what burns the calories and works for me at the gym, it's just the having to start over again. Why am I such an idiot? Why, after all this time, can i not learn and exercise some self control when I'm off? I know what I'm doing but it doesn't seem to matter. Once I've made that internal decision to do something, I do it and in this context, that's not a good thing. I knew I couldn't hit the gym last week yet I ate and ate and ate. I knew the pizzas, chocolates and cookies in Cuba weren't in my best interests yet I ate and ate and ate them. I can't say I suffered from any real cravings, I haven't had cravings in quite a while now. Truth is, I can't be idle for when I'm idle I eat. It drives Red crazy at times with my need for stimulation but this is the result when I get none. I get fat.<br /><br />We've been watching The Biggest Loser and Red made the comment about a couple of the younger contestants that accomplishing something as huge as massive weight loss early in life gives you confidence to be successful in other things as well. I have to agree. I'm very proud of my weight loss and being able to remain, for the most part, a regular sized man. But it's such a struggle. I'm up and down on the scale, I'm prone to binging, self loathing and frustration. While I feel I have everything in place to keep things under control for the most part, it's still a daily battle. I think about everything I eat, mentally tallying up the calories, I count the calories and time spent at the gym and feel guilty as all hell when I don't go or work as hard. I'm always looking in the mirror for hints about my actual size; how badly is my belly hanging over my pants? How round is my face? Will that shirt I like fit when I want to wear it? Argh.....it's all too much.<br /><br />My relationship with food is not healthy and I don't know if I can change it. I know I'm not the only one but what I wouldn't give for some inner peace on this subject. The wedding is little more than 5 months away and I'm not even close to being ready bodywise. I have my work cut out for me but I'm not worried. Just pissed off that I allowed myself to get here again. I'll lose it, I have no doubt about that, but I just shake my head..........aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-56927429830299049642009-01-22T15:31:00.002-05:002009-01-22T16:14:07.245-05:00<em>So I finally hopped on the scale earlier in the week just for a looksee, and wasn't surprised by what i saw: 211lb. Normally this would incite frustration and much anxiety in me, but I'm okay with it. Since I don't know where i stood before Xmas, and that I know I did some damage over the holidays, and that I've been very good since, I can't really say much. Getting off the scale has been good for my soul, living and dying by the scale is no way to live. Especially when you're engaged in the type of workout that promotes muscle growth and thus weight gain and your experience thus far with this regimen hasn't been one of loss.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I did fully expect to start dropping some weight by now, almost 3 months since I began the new routine, but instead, I've put on probably a good 8lb. Some of it is muscle I'm sure, but the expected bloat should be gone and my new muscle should have been eating away at the fat surrounding it. However, as recorded before, my diet wasn't as good as it should have been (read bread for the most part and a lack of water) and I suppose I wasn't giving it much of a chance. Also, you just don't burn as many calories when you lift weights as you do when performing cardio, there is a big difference. So in order to actually see some weight loss, a few dietary changes must be in order.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>First up is the water consumption. Before? Nothing worth mentioning. Now? About 8-10 glasses a day. Incorporating this was relatively easy, I started bringing a bottle of water to the gym in the morning, then refilling it while there and at work afterward. I easily drink about 3 bottles while at the gym so there's 6 glasses right there (bottle is 500ml, 250ml = 1 8oz glass), then i usually throw back another 2 bottles during the day. So water is no longer a problem.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Second issue is bread. I think I've got this licked for the most part. Red and i have kicked the weekly pizza meal which is a huge savings on calories. Our once or twice a week visit to Subway has fallen by the wayside, although i have visited for lunch once a week the last couple since we haven't been going and I love Subway. Now we have done pasta the last couple of weekends which required a baguette, so I haven't been completely clean. But for the most part, bread is a non-issue. Do I miss it? Oh God ya, but I know bread is a major problem for me so, while I won't cut it out entirely, I've seriously reduced my consumption.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Another thing i think has been a problem has been my taste for alcohol the last few of months. Normally I don't drink, don't usually have any in the house. But Red does, as any good host should, and i found myself enjoying a couple or more on a regular basis, not just on the weekends, but through the week. Suddenly I wanted it in the house and I do believe this has slowed me down as well. So now I try and keep it to a minimun, on the weekends, and we'll see if this helps at all.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>My workout routine has changed a bit too. I decided I needed more cardio in my workout since only doing a 25-30 minute spot after weights didn't seem like enough of a calorie burn. So instead of doing 4 sets of 10-12 reps lifting for each exercise, I cut it back to 3 sets to allow me more time to do cardio. I'm trying to incorporate more cardio like exercises in my warmup to weights, like 3 point squats, skipping and steps, but I needed to add another 10-20 minutes of elliptical work to help burn calories. Considering that my shoulder is aching like nobody's business anymore, this is probably a good thing. Of course, stopping any lifting and giving my shoulder a break would be the best thing, but since it wouldn't heal up on its own in a year of not lifting, I don't think it's making much of a difference. Might as well just suck it up and lift through the pain. I'm making an appointment with my doctor this week to see if i can find a solution to this issue. There's obviously something wrong there. A shoulder shouldn't hurt for a year with no good reason.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I enrolled in floor hockey for the winter months, something i've been dying to play forever. We gave volleyball a break this season and I don't know when we'll rejoin that. I know we will, spring volleyball begins about April or May so that's a possibility, but the summer session is pointless as many people dont' bother showing up to games and you can't play. So why spend the money? Softball starts up again in the spring too, so we'll have that. We're currently taking 2 dance classes a week, a ballroom and a rock 'n' jive class, so we're getting some activity during the weeknights and it's fun. Activity is certainly not a problem right now.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>An added plus to all this is that I'm not craving anything. I have wanted stuff, but I've been able to say no and carry on. About the only thing I'm still having issues with is the times we have bread around. Last weekend we decided on some spaghetti and picked up a nice loaf of crusty bread to accompany it. Of course, as I always do, I was cutting slices off it as soon as we got home, then had more slices at dinner time, then finished it off later that night or the next day (can't remember which). Clearly, I can't be trusted around bread. It remains my biggest weakness which is why I'd prefer it not be around. I'm too weak. But it's one trangression in a week and a lot of better than some of the things I'd been doing. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>So, all in all, I'm fine. I am noticing my belly starting to deflate a bit which is nice. I hope that is indicative of my hard work and recommitment and not just hopeful thinking. My goal right now is to lose enough not to look like a beached whale in Cuba in February. I have about 4 weeks to go.</em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-60044533807495672182009-01-16T12:50:00.002-05:002009-01-16T13:20:24.705-05:00<em>I've managed to stay away from the scale for a few weeks now although I am curious. I''m sure I put on a few more pounds than I planned to over the Xmas holidays and my round and strangely solid tummy is enough proof of that. But after a couple of weeks of working out daily and dieting, I should be down a bit. Or at least that's the hope. But since my weight has refused to drop since beginning the weight training, I'm not optimistic about it. Which is why I've stayed off the scale. I can tell how I'm doing by my clothes, and my shirts are tighter. So there. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>It would be too easy to forgo everything I've worked on the past couple of months in the gym and head straight back to the elliptical to lose the pounds, but I really need the muscle growth. Before, I may have been losing and looking thinner, but my body was soft and weak looking. It's always bothered me and having some bulk in the form of good old muscle appeals to me. So I'll keep on keeping on with the weights and cardio mix and hope for the best. Of course, I have made some alterations to the diet in the form of my bread intake, which I really believe is a major show stopper for me, so I'm hoping this is the ticket. We'll see as February approaches. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>The thing is, the wedding is a big deal to me. To be specific, how I look at the wedding is a big deal to me. I don't want to look fat. So if worse comes to worst, I'll hop on the elliptical during the summer months and melt it off that way. I'm hoping it won't come to that as I'm bored to death of cardio. At least now when I do my cardio, I'm only on it for 25-30 minutes which is much easier to handle.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Other notes: my shoulder is killing me. On Monday while starting butterfly presses, my shoulder literally felt like it fell apart as it cried out in pain on the first rep. I immediately stopped what i was doing and packed it in for the day, but it was the weirdest feeling. This is not a new injury but an old one that has a nasty habit of popping up every now and then. Except this time, the pain started at one point last year when I wasn't lifting weights, so I have no idea what prompted it or why it won't heal up. Obviously lifting isn't helping, but neither was doing nothing so I figured I'd just be careful and soldier on. Chest and shoulder work are directly affected by this injury making it hard to advance in weight. I'm almost at that point now as the weight I'm lifting during bench presses and shoulder work is becoming easier and the time comes to add more weight. With my shoulder being as it is, adding more weight is basically impossible. The pain when lifting will be too much and my growth will be stunted as a result. This is extremely frustrating.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I need to see my doctor and get an MRI or something done to check it out. Maybe physio would do the trick but i used up my physio allotment from my insurance provider on my back last spring so i don't have coverage until at least this spring and I can't afford it myself. Besides, by the time the MRI gets booked and the appointment arrives, it'll be a good 7-12 months anyway. We may have universal health care here in Canada, but you wait forever for stuff like this. Who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Our dancing classes started up again last week, ballroom and rock 'n' jive. The jive class is fun and lively and we both love it. It can be quite fast so there's an aerobic workout factor there. The ballroom class is more formal and slower, but we enjoy it. The bonus is it's an activity through the week that gets us off the couch. Floor hockey begins next week too, which I'm looking forward to so that'll give me 3 evening activities a week plus the gym 5 days a week. Not bad. Cuba's in a little over 5 weeks, my goal is to lose some of this belly and not look like a man-cow on the beach. It won't be for a lack of trying.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-54966123860875751222009-01-12T12:29:00.002-05:002009-01-12T13:17:01.857-05:00<em>Ya, it's been a while. To be honest, I've pondered writing for a while now, but with work being busier and me not feeling like writing in the evenings, it's been hard to find time. Also, I'm a little tired of yapping about this. I enjoy writing and did enjoy writing this blog at first, but it also started to sound the same every time. Bitching about my weight going up, staying the same, my workouts, my stress, blah, blah, blah. I think I was just bored (which i was at work when i do most of my writing) and I wanted to use this blog as a way of tracking my progress. The problem began in the fall when my diet wasn't going so well and my weight started to creep up a bit. Then I switched my workout to include weight lifting and all Hell broke loose on the scale. It was about this time when my duties at work changed somewhat and I didn't have time to think about what to write.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Red asked me quite a while back, why do you obsess over your weight? At the time, I was offended as I am not the only fattie who has their weight constantly on their mind, consuming them. Being a former fattie herself, I expected her to understand. But she's different, her whole outlook about it is more positive and overall, she's in control of her eating. Unlike me who lives like an alcoholic, dealing with it one day at a time, falling off the wagon, hating myself, climbing back on, then falling again. It's insane. I've never forgotten that comment and she's right. Why do I obsess over it? I know what it takes to lose and keep off the weight. I've adopted a good diet and I've made great strides in helping myself. I should be proud of what I've accomplished so far and know that I am going to fail once in a while, but that I'm capable of picking myself up and moving past it. We all eat too much at times and we all make poor food choices at other times. That's life in western society. But I'm fine. I'm not going to blow up again, I have enough control over myself to not let that happen again. And writing about it all the time isn't that interesting anymore. I'm going to continue this blog but how frequently I use it is up in the air. It'll depend on what is going on in my life and what kind of time I have to write. Whining about my weight and the scale is boring. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Christmas is long gone and life is back to normal. The holidays were not a good example of how to control your weight and I most certainly did not. But it's over now and all in all I had a good break. I know I put on a few pounds during those 2 weeks but I haven't confirmed just how many. I've pretty much given up on the scale. Since beginning my weight lifting regime, my weight has only gone up prompting much anguish in me. For a guy who's lived and died by the scale his whole life, it's quite disheartening.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Nope, instead I've decided to stay off the scale for the most part and just let my clothes and appearance guide me. I can see definite changes in my body from the new workouts so I feel I'm on the right track there. My diet is better now thanks to my decision (finally) to greatly reduce the amount of bread in my diet. I'm convinced much of my pre-Xmas problem was the bread. I had gotten into the habit of visiting Subway a few too many times, I was eating sandwiches or toast at home, bread at certain meals, garlic bread with cheese when we ordered our weekly pizza, and lots of crackers in my soup to make it heartier. That's a lot of bread. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Aside from the bread, my diet is good. I figure if I cut out most of it, I'm gold. I've known people who've lost weight just by cutting out the stuff and its amazing. Of course, it isn't hard to find evidence of this online. Most breads are just terrible ingredient wise to begin with and it is high in calorie for what it is. I love bread, it is probably my favourite thing to eat in all its various forms, but if I want to see results and maintain them, I need to sacrifice. And I'm in a good place mentally to do this, I have no real cravings and my desire to lose some weight before the wedding is strong. Now that I'm seeing some changes in my body due to the weight lifting, I'm feeling more motivated.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I'm still going to eat Subway, but maybe only once a week. The pizza is a disaster so I want to cut that back to maybe once or twice a month. This past weekend, we didn't order and we both feel good about our weekend as a result. We saved a ton of calories just by saying no, calories we both didn't need. We're heading to Cuba in about 6 weeks and I'd like to not be bloated. There won't be much of a difference in my appearance between now and then other than the bloat. The only way to make a real change in appearance would be to crash diet and go back to cardio at the gym. I could probably burn off a few more pounds but crash dieting is a bad idea and I don't want to do it. Instead, slow and steady to win the race. I've got less than 9 months to drop some weight and look good for the wedding, I'd like to be sure I get there.</em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-22080860173575274312008-12-23T14:15:00.002-05:002008-12-23T14:42:06.854-05:00<em>Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday ye old fat guy, Happy Birthday to me!</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Yep, I'm 42 today and about 210lb according to last Friday's weigh in. Am I worried? Kinda, sorta, no, well....yes, no.....bah.....I don't look fatter than I did a month ago so all i can assume is that my weight lifting regime is building muscle. However, I don't look thinner either so I have to assume the fat is staying. Pity, as I had hoped by now that my body would start purging fat while it grows muscle. My clothes don't fit any differently aside from a couple tee shirts i don't usually wear feel a bit tighter, something that does concern me. I do see some differences in my chest and shoulder area and in my legs and buttocks. They're subtle but they're there. I just wish my belly would shrink down some.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>But that's asking a lot when I haven't exactly been great with my diet. I haven't followed through with my plan to purge bread from my diet, something I know would make a world of difference, and my water intake has slowed down again. I've allowed myself some Xmas treats at work and some chocolate and cookies at home. Mostly, it's just making me sick. I never thought I'd see the day when treats would make me ill but that day has come. Eating real food has forever changed my life, sugary foods and overly salted and greasy fare feels like poison in my body. My body craves grapes, pineapple, apples, bananas, veggies...anything else just doesn't sit right. I usually buy cereals like Cheerios, Special K, Corn Flakes and others like them, but the other day I bought a box of an old favourite, Cap'n Crunch, as a treat. What a mistake! I had a bowl, admittedly a large bowl, and threw up half of it. It was gross. Too sweet and fake tasting. What has become of me?</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>And despite all of these changes, all this good food entering my body, I'm still battling my weight! Maybe once the bread is gone, things will settle down. Doesn't help that I've made a few trips to the store for pizza slices the last couple of weeks. Nor has helping myself to Red's cookie stash. What's interesting is that I'm having no real cravings. In fact, I don't even want any of this stuff. I could do without the pizza, the cookies and the chocolate. It's not like I'm feeling any sense of satisfaction afterward. About the only thing I'm eating (which I shouldn't be) that does bring me satisfaction are the sandwiches and the bread! The rest of the bad stuff is doing nothing for me. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>But real food is what I crave. I like it when we cook dinner. I enjoy fruit as a snack. I'm tired of salad every day for lunch so I've started to cut back on it, but I've replaced it with soup: chicken noodle, vegetable, beef vegetable. A few more calories but good stuff overall I think. But I think I'm eating out of stress. Work has me worried, as usual. I need a new job, something I enjoy or at least don't mind doing. I hate my job, I hate talking about my job. When asked how my day was, I can't lie. It was horrible, like every other day I'm there. Why bother asking? Oh sure, you could say, well at least you have a job. Whatever. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Nor does it mean I can't bitch about it.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I think i've finally gotten over the scale. It just isn't a reliable source of information anymore. And it depresses me. I still get on it just to see where I'm at, but that's about it. Need to up the ante after the New Year. Only 9 more months until the wedding. Have to be in shape to wear the tuxedo and look good. I don't want to look fat in my wedding photos.</em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-91428513867156325702008-12-12T15:36:00.002-05:002008-12-12T15:52:57.651-05:00<em>Friday and the scale reads 206.5lb. Don't know what to think about that but it is what it is. I'm still trying to keep the scale in perspective, using my body shape, measurements and clothes as a better indicator. I managed to get a full 5 days in at the gym and my body is exhausted, and a bit sore. That should clear up over the weekend though. Been suffering through a headache the past couple of weeks that is on and off. I think its just stress.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>There's a Yoga group at work that might be interesting to get involved with. Apparently the teacher comes in every Wednesday at lunch and i hear he's quite good. I've never bought into the whole Yoga thing, but I understand it's good stretching and core strengthening so I might sign up for the next set of classes whenever that is. They just started their winter session a couple of weeks ago so it might not be for a while. I believe i was told it was 8 weeks for $35 which is not bad. So we'll see come February?</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>We've decided to take a season off from Volleyball. We'll be taking the second series of classes in Rock and jive dancing and starting the ballroom dance at the same time. So that'll make up for missing one activity and its something we both enjoy. Instead I think I might sign up for floor hockey, I've been wanting to do that for a while now. Come spring, we'll get into softball again and probably leave volleyball behind for the summer season since it seems nobody shows up for the beach volleyball games and after 2 lackluster seasons of that, we've had enough. We'll get back at it come next fall.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Still feeling pretty good about my diet. Cravings still non-existent. I decided to grab a clubhouse for breakfast this morning since i ran out of fruit at home to bring and i was hungry. At lunch, i did hit the grocery store for some apples and grapes to munch on at work and home but decided the pizza slices at the take out counter looked too good to pass up so i grabbed one for lunch. I'm a bit disappointed for caving, but that'll be my food for the day, sans fruits, as I want to enjoy a few beers tonight to unwind after a hard week. So all in all, I'm okay with it. Could be worse, i could be enjoying the sweet treats floating around my workplace this week and next until Xmas holidays.</em><br /><em></em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7123016677372956079.post-32180545822840959792008-12-10T09:58:00.002-05:002008-12-10T10:25:43.992-05:00<em>I wouldn't have thought that 2 weeks would make that much of a difference when it came to weight lifting. After all, it's only been <strong>2 weeks</strong>. But my legs and buttocks are sore again after a couple of days back at it, almost like before when I began this workout. Granted I'm not as bad, basic mobility is still there, but I am tender. I chose not to do my leg work this morning as a day off from that might be just what the doctor ordered. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Instead I went straight to the weights; today was chest and back. I've dropped my chest press weight by 5lb and I'm struggling with that. Today was a bit better but it's hard. Again, only 2 weeks! I know you lose some of what you've gained when you don't keep up with it, but this was not a lot of time. Hopefully there won't be another crisis in the near future and I won't miss anymore time. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I'm anxious to see how this weight lifting regime is going to work out. I know it'll take some time; my weight hasn't dropped like I had hoped, but I think I'm making gains, the good kind. I'll know better after about 3 months I figure. That means first of February. With any luck, I'll see a definite difference in my physique and weight, enough to feel that I should continue with this course of action. I need to have a good idea of what I'll look like physically when I go shopping for a tux for the wedding. I'm not sure when I'm going to do that, the wedding is in September and I doubt you need to book a tux too far ahead, so I'm thinking late spring, unless someone knows better. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Foodwise, I'm doing well. I probably could stand to slow down on the fruits in the evening, even grapes add up calorie wise. But it could be worse, could be chips. And Red has some leftover nacho chips and salsa in the fridge which looks mighty tempting. Not to mention that chocolate almond bar that cries out to me daily. But the urges just aren't that strong these days and I'm happy about that. Nothing worse than having to deal with cravings that won't go away despite your best efforts. I seem to get enough from the grapes and pineapple I munch on while watching TV. Of course, if I could break THAT habit, I'd be gold! </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I haven't bought any bagged salad for lunches this week. I'm a bit tired of it every day and I do get some veggies at dinner when we roast them. I know fresh is best but I've been eating salad almost daily for about a year and a half now, and I'm about done. I'm bringing soup, which is good, sometimes Chunky, sometimes just the Campbells stuff. I've still got my apples to munch on, they get me through the morning after my workout. I do feel hungry during the day, but I'm busier at work so it's a little easier to handle.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>There's lots of Xmas treats around the office, some of it looking very good. But I've been good, aside from that cake and brownies I won last week, I haven't touched anything. My sister's family Xmas party was cancelled this year so I won't have to deal with her baked goods and we're not scheduled to attend any other functions that I know of. So it'll just be getting through the actual days of Xmas which should be easier. Xmas for me is a bad time diet wise, I know I'm not the only one, but I'm feeling pretty confident this year that it won't be a disaster like other years. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>I like to think I'm focused and overall I guess I am. I have fallen off the wagon and then allowed that to spiral into something more (this past weekend was an example), but I haven't beaten myself up over it for a change. Maybe I do feel that I'm more in control now and that I'm not going to lose it outright. I can't trust the scale anymore, with my workout routine, it just doesn't register like it did before. It'll come down to how my body looks and feels, how my clothes fit, and ultimately that's what's important. We put too much emphasis on the scale and numbers, and when you are active, you naturally build muscle which weighs more than fat. It's hard to break that habit, but you'll never be happy if you don't. I'm still working on it.</em>aka Joehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12994754414466215429noreply@blogger.com2