So I finally hopped on the scale earlier in the week just for a looksee, and wasn't surprised by what i saw: 211lb. Normally this would incite frustration and much anxiety in me, but I'm okay with it. Since I don't know where i stood before Xmas, and that I know I did some damage over the holidays, and that I've been very good since, I can't really say much. Getting off the scale has been good for my soul, living and dying by the scale is no way to live. Especially when you're engaged in the type of workout that promotes muscle growth and thus weight gain and your experience thus far with this regimen hasn't been one of loss.

I did fully expect to start dropping some weight by now, almost 3 months since I began the new routine, but instead, I've put on probably a good 8lb. Some of it is muscle I'm sure, but the expected bloat should be gone and my new muscle should have been eating away at the fat surrounding it. However, as recorded before, my diet wasn't as good as it should have been (read bread for the most part and a lack of water) and I suppose I wasn't giving it much of a chance. Also, you just don't burn as many calories when you lift weights as you do when performing cardio, there is a big difference. So in order to actually see some weight loss, a few dietary changes must be in order.

First up is the water consumption. Before? Nothing worth mentioning. Now? About 8-10 glasses a day. Incorporating this was relatively easy, I started bringing a bottle of water to the gym in the morning, then refilling it while there and at work afterward. I easily drink about 3 bottles while at the gym so there's 6 glasses right there (bottle is 500ml, 250ml = 1 8oz glass), then i usually throw back another 2 bottles during the day. So water is no longer a problem.

Second issue is bread. I think I've got this licked for the most part. Red and i have kicked the weekly pizza meal which is a huge savings on calories. Our once or twice a week visit to Subway has fallen by the wayside, although i have visited for lunch once a week the last couple since we haven't been going and I love Subway. Now we have done pasta the last couple of weekends which required a baguette, so I haven't been completely clean. But for the most part, bread is a non-issue. Do I miss it? Oh God ya, but I know bread is a major problem for me so, while I won't cut it out entirely, I've seriously reduced my consumption.

Another thing i think has been a problem has been my taste for alcohol the last few of months. Normally I don't drink, don't usually have any in the house. But Red does, as any good host should, and i found myself enjoying a couple or more on a regular basis, not just on the weekends, but through the week. Suddenly I wanted it in the house and I do believe this has slowed me down as well. So now I try and keep it to a minimun, on the weekends, and we'll see if this helps at all.

My workout routine has changed a bit too. I decided I needed more cardio in my workout since only doing a 25-30 minute spot after weights didn't seem like enough of a calorie burn. So instead of doing 4 sets of 10-12 reps lifting for each exercise, I cut it back to 3 sets to allow me more time to do cardio. I'm trying to incorporate more cardio like exercises in my warmup to weights, like 3 point squats, skipping and steps, but I needed to add another 10-20 minutes of elliptical work to help burn calories. Considering that my shoulder is aching like nobody's business anymore, this is probably a good thing. Of course, stopping any lifting and giving my shoulder a break would be the best thing, but since it wouldn't heal up on its own in a year of not lifting, I don't think it's making much of a difference. Might as well just suck it up and lift through the pain. I'm making an appointment with my doctor this week to see if i can find a solution to this issue. There's obviously something wrong there. A shoulder shouldn't hurt for a year with no good reason.

I enrolled in floor hockey for the winter months, something i've been dying to play forever. We gave volleyball a break this season and I don't know when we'll rejoin that. I know we will, spring volleyball begins about April or May so that's a possibility, but the summer session is pointless as many people dont' bother showing up to games and you can't play. So why spend the money? Softball starts up again in the spring too, so we'll have that. We're currently taking 2 dance classes a week, a ballroom and a rock 'n' jive class, so we're getting some activity during the weeknights and it's fun. Activity is certainly not a problem right now.

An added plus to all this is that I'm not craving anything. I have wanted stuff, but I've been able to say no and carry on. About the only thing I'm still having issues with is the times we have bread around. Last weekend we decided on some spaghetti and picked up a nice loaf of crusty bread to accompany it. Of course, as I always do, I was cutting slices off it as soon as we got home, then had more slices at dinner time, then finished it off later that night or the next day (can't remember which). Clearly, I can't be trusted around bread. It remains my biggest weakness which is why I'd prefer it not be around. I'm too weak. But it's one trangression in a week and a lot of better than some of the things I'd been doing.

So, all in all, I'm fine. I am noticing my belly starting to deflate a bit which is nice. I hope that is indicative of my hard work and recommitment and not just hopeful thinking. My goal right now is to lose enough not to look like a beached whale in Cuba in February. I have about 4 weeks to go.

I've managed to stay away from the scale for a few weeks now although I am curious. I''m sure I put on a few more pounds than I planned to over the Xmas holidays and my round and strangely solid tummy is enough proof of that. But after a couple of weeks of working out daily and dieting, I should be down a bit. Or at least that's the hope. But since my weight has refused to drop since beginning the weight training, I'm not optimistic about it. Which is why I've stayed off the scale. I can tell how I'm doing by my clothes, and my shirts are tighter. So there.

It would be too easy to forgo everything I've worked on the past couple of months in the gym and head straight back to the elliptical to lose the pounds, but I really need the muscle growth. Before, I may have been losing and looking thinner, but my body was soft and weak looking. It's always bothered me and having some bulk in the form of good old muscle appeals to me. So I'll keep on keeping on with the weights and cardio mix and hope for the best. Of course, I have made some alterations to the diet in the form of my bread intake, which I really believe is a major show stopper for me, so I'm hoping this is the ticket. We'll see as February approaches.

The thing is, the wedding is a big deal to me. To be specific, how I look at the wedding is a big deal to me. I don't want to look fat. So if worse comes to worst, I'll hop on the elliptical during the summer months and melt it off that way. I'm hoping it won't come to that as I'm bored to death of cardio. At least now when I do my cardio, I'm only on it for 25-30 minutes which is much easier to handle.

Other notes: my shoulder is killing me. On Monday while starting butterfly presses, my shoulder literally felt like it fell apart as it cried out in pain on the first rep. I immediately stopped what i was doing and packed it in for the day, but it was the weirdest feeling. This is not a new injury but an old one that has a nasty habit of popping up every now and then. Except this time, the pain started at one point last year when I wasn't lifting weights, so I have no idea what prompted it or why it won't heal up. Obviously lifting isn't helping, but neither was doing nothing so I figured I'd just be careful and soldier on. Chest and shoulder work are directly affected by this injury making it hard to advance in weight. I'm almost at that point now as the weight I'm lifting during bench presses and shoulder work is becoming easier and the time comes to add more weight. With my shoulder being as it is, adding more weight is basically impossible. The pain when lifting will be too much and my growth will be stunted as a result. This is extremely frustrating.

I need to see my doctor and get an MRI or something done to check it out. Maybe physio would do the trick but i used up my physio allotment from my insurance provider on my back last spring so i don't have coverage until at least this spring and I can't afford it myself. Besides, by the time the MRI gets booked and the appointment arrives, it'll be a good 7-12 months anyway. We may have universal health care here in Canada, but you wait forever for stuff like this. Who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky.

Our dancing classes started up again last week, ballroom and rock 'n' jive. The jive class is fun and lively and we both love it. It can be quite fast so there's an aerobic workout factor there. The ballroom class is more formal and slower, but we enjoy it. The bonus is it's an activity through the week that gets us off the couch. Floor hockey begins next week too, which I'm looking forward to so that'll give me 3 evening activities a week plus the gym 5 days a week. Not bad. Cuba's in a little over 5 weeks, my goal is to lose some of this belly and not look like a man-cow on the beach. It won't be for a lack of trying.

Ya, it's been a while. To be honest, I've pondered writing for a while now, but with work being busier and me not feeling like writing in the evenings, it's been hard to find time. Also, I'm a little tired of yapping about this. I enjoy writing and did enjoy writing this blog at first, but it also started to sound the same every time. Bitching about my weight going up, staying the same, my workouts, my stress, blah, blah, blah. I think I was just bored (which i was at work when i do most of my writing) and I wanted to use this blog as a way of tracking my progress. The problem began in the fall when my diet wasn't going so well and my weight started to creep up a bit. Then I switched my workout to include weight lifting and all Hell broke loose on the scale. It was about this time when my duties at work changed somewhat and I didn't have time to think about what to write.

Red asked me quite a while back, why do you obsess over your weight? At the time, I was offended as I am not the only fattie who has their weight constantly on their mind, consuming them. Being a former fattie herself, I expected her to understand. But she's different, her whole outlook about it is more positive and overall, she's in control of her eating. Unlike me who lives like an alcoholic, dealing with it one day at a time, falling off the wagon, hating myself, climbing back on, then falling again. It's insane. I've never forgotten that comment and she's right. Why do I obsess over it? I know what it takes to lose and keep off the weight. I've adopted a good diet and I've made great strides in helping myself. I should be proud of what I've accomplished so far and know that I am going to fail once in a while, but that I'm capable of picking myself up and moving past it. We all eat too much at times and we all make poor food choices at other times. That's life in western society. But I'm fine. I'm not going to blow up again, I have enough control over myself to not let that happen again. And writing about it all the time isn't that interesting anymore. I'm going to continue this blog but how frequently I use it is up in the air. It'll depend on what is going on in my life and what kind of time I have to write. Whining about my weight and the scale is boring.

Christmas is long gone and life is back to normal. The holidays were not a good example of how to control your weight and I most certainly did not. But it's over now and all in all I had a good break. I know I put on a few pounds during those 2 weeks but I haven't confirmed just how many. I've pretty much given up on the scale. Since beginning my weight lifting regime, my weight has only gone up prompting much anguish in me. For a guy who's lived and died by the scale his whole life, it's quite disheartening.

Nope, instead I've decided to stay off the scale for the most part and just let my clothes and appearance guide me. I can see definite changes in my body from the new workouts so I feel I'm on the right track there. My diet is better now thanks to my decision (finally) to greatly reduce the amount of bread in my diet. I'm convinced much of my pre-Xmas problem was the bread. I had gotten into the habit of visiting Subway a few too many times, I was eating sandwiches or toast at home, bread at certain meals, garlic bread with cheese when we ordered our weekly pizza, and lots of crackers in my soup to make it heartier. That's a lot of bread.

Aside from the bread, my diet is good. I figure if I cut out most of it, I'm gold. I've known people who've lost weight just by cutting out the stuff and its amazing. Of course, it isn't hard to find evidence of this online. Most breads are just terrible ingredient wise to begin with and it is high in calorie for what it is. I love bread, it is probably my favourite thing to eat in all its various forms, but if I want to see results and maintain them, I need to sacrifice. And I'm in a good place mentally to do this, I have no real cravings and my desire to lose some weight before the wedding is strong. Now that I'm seeing some changes in my body due to the weight lifting, I'm feeling more motivated.

I'm still going to eat Subway, but maybe only once a week. The pizza is a disaster so I want to cut that back to maybe once or twice a month. This past weekend, we didn't order and we both feel good about our weekend as a result. We saved a ton of calories just by saying no, calories we both didn't need. We're heading to Cuba in about 6 weeks and I'd like to not be bloated. There won't be much of a difference in my appearance between now and then other than the bloat. The only way to make a real change in appearance would be to crash diet and go back to cardio at the gym. I could probably burn off a few more pounds but crash dieting is a bad idea and I don't want to do it. Instead, slow and steady to win the race. I've got less than 9 months to drop some weight and look good for the wedding, I'd like to be sure I get there.

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday ye old fat guy, Happy Birthday to me!

Yep, I'm 42 today and about 210lb according to last Friday's weigh in. Am I worried? Kinda, sorta, no, well....yes, no.....bah.....I don't look fatter than I did a month ago so all i can assume is that my weight lifting regime is building muscle. However, I don't look thinner either so I have to assume the fat is staying. Pity, as I had hoped by now that my body would start purging fat while it grows muscle. My clothes don't fit any differently aside from a couple tee shirts i don't usually wear feel a bit tighter, something that does concern me. I do see some differences in my chest and shoulder area and in my legs and buttocks. They're subtle but they're there. I just wish my belly would shrink down some.

But that's asking a lot when I haven't exactly been great with my diet. I haven't followed through with my plan to purge bread from my diet, something I know would make a world of difference, and my water intake has slowed down again. I've allowed myself some Xmas treats at work and some chocolate and cookies at home. Mostly, it's just making me sick. I never thought I'd see the day when treats would make me ill but that day has come. Eating real food has forever changed my life, sugary foods and overly salted and greasy fare feels like poison in my body. My body craves grapes, pineapple, apples, bananas, veggies...anything else just doesn't sit right. I usually buy cereals like Cheerios, Special K, Corn Flakes and others like them, but the other day I bought a box of an old favourite, Cap'n Crunch, as a treat. What a mistake! I had a bowl, admittedly a large bowl, and threw up half of it. It was gross. Too sweet and fake tasting. What has become of me?

And despite all of these changes, all this good food entering my body, I'm still battling my weight! Maybe once the bread is gone, things will settle down. Doesn't help that I've made a few trips to the store for pizza slices the last couple of weeks. Nor has helping myself to Red's cookie stash. What's interesting is that I'm having no real cravings. In fact, I don't even want any of this stuff. I could do without the pizza, the cookies and the chocolate. It's not like I'm feeling any sense of satisfaction afterward. About the only thing I'm eating (which I shouldn't be) that does bring me satisfaction are the sandwiches and the bread! The rest of the bad stuff is doing nothing for me.

But real food is what I crave. I like it when we cook dinner. I enjoy fruit as a snack. I'm tired of salad every day for lunch so I've started to cut back on it, but I've replaced it with soup: chicken noodle, vegetable, beef vegetable. A few more calories but good stuff overall I think. But I think I'm eating out of stress. Work has me worried, as usual. I need a new job, something I enjoy or at least don't mind doing. I hate my job, I hate talking about my job. When asked how my day was, I can't lie. It was horrible, like every other day I'm there. Why bother asking? Oh sure, you could say, well at least you have a job. Whatever. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Nor does it mean I can't bitch about it.

I think i've finally gotten over the scale. It just isn't a reliable source of information anymore. And it depresses me. I still get on it just to see where I'm at, but that's about it. Need to up the ante after the New Year. Only 9 more months until the wedding. Have to be in shape to wear the tuxedo and look good. I don't want to look fat in my wedding photos.

Friday and the scale reads 206.5lb. Don't know what to think about that but it is what it is. I'm still trying to keep the scale in perspective, using my body shape, measurements and clothes as a better indicator. I managed to get a full 5 days in at the gym and my body is exhausted, and a bit sore. That should clear up over the weekend though. Been suffering through a headache the past couple of weeks that is on and off. I think its just stress.

There's a Yoga group at work that might be interesting to get involved with. Apparently the teacher comes in every Wednesday at lunch and i hear he's quite good. I've never bought into the whole Yoga thing, but I understand it's good stretching and core strengthening so I might sign up for the next set of classes whenever that is. They just started their winter session a couple of weeks ago so it might not be for a while. I believe i was told it was 8 weeks for $35 which is not bad. So we'll see come February?

We've decided to take a season off from Volleyball. We'll be taking the second series of classes in Rock and jive dancing and starting the ballroom dance at the same time. So that'll make up for missing one activity and its something we both enjoy. Instead I think I might sign up for floor hockey, I've been wanting to do that for a while now. Come spring, we'll get into softball again and probably leave volleyball behind for the summer season since it seems nobody shows up for the beach volleyball games and after 2 lackluster seasons of that, we've had enough. We'll get back at it come next fall.

Still feeling pretty good about my diet. Cravings still non-existent. I decided to grab a clubhouse for breakfast this morning since i ran out of fruit at home to bring and i was hungry. At lunch, i did hit the grocery store for some apples and grapes to munch on at work and home but decided the pizza slices at the take out counter looked too good to pass up so i grabbed one for lunch. I'm a bit disappointed for caving, but that'll be my food for the day, sans fruits, as I want to enjoy a few beers tonight to unwind after a hard week. So all in all, I'm okay with it. Could be worse, i could be enjoying the sweet treats floating around my workplace this week and next until Xmas holidays.

I wouldn't have thought that 2 weeks would make that much of a difference when it came to weight lifting. After all, it's only been 2 weeks. But my legs and buttocks are sore again after a couple of days back at it, almost like before when I began this workout. Granted I'm not as bad, basic mobility is still there, but I am tender. I chose not to do my leg work this morning as a day off from that might be just what the doctor ordered.

Instead I went straight to the weights; today was chest and back. I've dropped my chest press weight by 5lb and I'm struggling with that. Today was a bit better but it's hard. Again, only 2 weeks! I know you lose some of what you've gained when you don't keep up with it, but this was not a lot of time. Hopefully there won't be another crisis in the near future and I won't miss anymore time.

I'm anxious to see how this weight lifting regime is going to work out. I know it'll take some time; my weight hasn't dropped like I had hoped, but I think I'm making gains, the good kind. I'll know better after about 3 months I figure. That means first of February. With any luck, I'll see a definite difference in my physique and weight, enough to feel that I should continue with this course of action. I need to have a good idea of what I'll look like physically when I go shopping for a tux for the wedding. I'm not sure when I'm going to do that, the wedding is in September and I doubt you need to book a tux too far ahead, so I'm thinking late spring, unless someone knows better.

Foodwise, I'm doing well. I probably could stand to slow down on the fruits in the evening, even grapes add up calorie wise. But it could be worse, could be chips. And Red has some leftover nacho chips and salsa in the fridge which looks mighty tempting. Not to mention that chocolate almond bar that cries out to me daily. But the urges just aren't that strong these days and I'm happy about that. Nothing worse than having to deal with cravings that won't go away despite your best efforts. I seem to get enough from the grapes and pineapple I munch on while watching TV. Of course, if I could break THAT habit, I'd be gold!

I haven't bought any bagged salad for lunches this week. I'm a bit tired of it every day and I do get some veggies at dinner when we roast them. I know fresh is best but I've been eating salad almost daily for about a year and a half now, and I'm about done. I'm bringing soup, which is good, sometimes Chunky, sometimes just the Campbells stuff. I've still got my apples to munch on, they get me through the morning after my workout. I do feel hungry during the day, but I'm busier at work so it's a little easier to handle.

There's lots of Xmas treats around the office, some of it looking very good. But I've been good, aside from that cake and brownies I won last week, I haven't touched anything. My sister's family Xmas party was cancelled this year so I won't have to deal with her baked goods and we're not scheduled to attend any other functions that I know of. So it'll just be getting through the actual days of Xmas which should be easier. Xmas for me is a bad time diet wise, I know I'm not the only one, but I'm feeling pretty confident this year that it won't be a disaster like other years.

I like to think I'm focused and overall I guess I am. I have fallen off the wagon and then allowed that to spiral into something more (this past weekend was an example), but I haven't beaten myself up over it for a change. Maybe I do feel that I'm more in control now and that I'm not going to lose it outright. I can't trust the scale anymore, with my workout routine, it just doesn't register like it did before. It'll come down to how my body looks and feels, how my clothes fit, and ultimately that's what's important. We put too much emphasis on the scale and numbers, and when you are active, you naturally build muscle which weighs more than fat. It's hard to break that habit, but you'll never be happy if you don't. I'm still working on it.

Back to the grind

I didn't write last week and it was intentional. I was busier than normal at work where I normally take the time (I know, slacker) and my evenings were spent in a tired funk, a combination of feeling exhausted and down. I did get on the scale on both Tuesday and Friday, my weights were 207 and 208 respectively.

Due to recurring car troubles and a late night last Sunday thanks to a Neil Diamond concert and some overnight guests, I missed the gym until last Thursday so that didn't help matters. When I did get back, I focused on cardio making it about 2 weeks since I'd done any weights. I decided that today I'd get back to my regular workout and get back on track. I did get some more positive feedback last week though which, while I don't really see it, made me feel a bit better. A guy I talk to at the gym mentioned that I looked leaner, that my body was changing somewhat, especially in the chest area. Now leaner might be a stretch, I'm heavier than I was when I began lifting, and I'll be damned if I can see any changes in my physique. So this makes 3 people in the last couple of weeks who've mentioned how I looked thinner: Red, her sister, and this guy at the gym. Now on the flip side, my mother was up for the concert last weekend and she hasn't seen me since about August. She asked me if I was still going to the gym which made me think she thought I looked heavier without saying it. Since I am heavier than I was the last time she saw me, by a good 8-10lbs, I'm more inclined to believe she thinks I've gained, and she would be right. If that's what she was getting at. But that's 3 to 1 in favour of me looking thinner and my vote doesn't count so I don't know what to think.

On the plus side, I'm having no cravings, no desire to take advantage of the treats that are being brought in to work this Xmas season, although I did buy some tickets to our company's cake walk last week and won a Snickers cake and a tray of brownies. Both were delicious although the cake was too sweet. After enjoying a couple of slices this weekend, I'm done with it. The brownies were awesome and didn't stand a chance of lasting too long. I polished them off so at least I begin this week without temptations. Aside from that, I did enjoy some nachos and salsa, pizza for dinner on Saturday and because we'd been talking about it for what seemed like forever, A&W on Sunday. But that's done now, we've had our fill and I'm ready to climb back on the horse.

Getting back to the weights this morning was exhausting. I switched things up a bit by mixing my chest and arm exercises together with the intention of doing my back and shoulders tomorrow. Normally i do chest and back, then arms and shoulders the next day and now I know why. The arm workouts take too much out of me and it makes doing the chest work too hard as after a few sets, my arms are rubber. So I'm going to revert back to what I was doing out of necessity. Lunges felt okay, that sharp pain in my rump is gone, now I just have to avoid a repeat of that. My right shoulder feels good, I'm thinking maybe building up some muscle around it has helped. We'll see how things go tomorrow as that's when it'll be tested.