In the Beginning....

I was fat. Well maybe not in the beginning beginning but by about the age of 8 or 9 I was starting to get a little rounder every year, you could actually see it in my school pictures. By the time I was 19 I was a good 320lbs. It only got worse from there. By the time I was 24, I was approximately 370lbs, big stomach, no neck, an eating machine and a prime candidate to just drop dead one day. I was one sad puppy.

Since then, I've had gastric bypass surgery, lost about 90lbs, developed gallstones that resulted in the loss of my gall bladder, discovered some will power finally, dieted and joined a gym I attended religiously, lost another 100lbs as a result, had a tummy tuck that didn't turn out how I had hoped, developed an internal issue stemming from my gastric bypass surgery and lost another 55lbs because of it, had the bypass reversed to save my life, gained about 75lbs back alarmingly quick during my recovery period, gained another 25lbs give or take over the next few months, rediscovered my will to diet and exercise and lost 25 of those pounds and now I'm battling to reach my goal of about 190lbs and remain there.

Everything in the above paragraph happened over a period of 17 years. Quite a roller coaster ride if you ask me. I've been obese, just right, too thin, then just right again, then fat, then.....well you get the picture. Am I any different than most people who've been battling their weight all their lives? Nope. Well maybe a bit because of the surgeries and the life threatening emergency, but for the most part, I'm pretty typical; a lover of food, an emotional eater, hater of the gym, possessor of low self esteem and emotional issues, a wisher that medical science will eventually find a cure for this horrible calamity that plagues so many of us.

So I figured I'd journalize what's going on with me during this battle because it is a battle with no end. I've come to realize over the years that the gym will always be a part of my life, that no matter how much I hate that damn elliptical trainer or the thousands of miles I've logged on a stationary bike, it is a constant I cannot escape. That my body hates weight training and will always break down on me just as I'm making progress thereby stopping any notion I had of having nice pecs or bulging biceps despite my understanding of proper posture and movement when lifting. That my caloric intake must always be minded and that for every indiscretion there must be penance. That due to the abuses to my body over the years it will never look the way I wish it to. That despite my very average appearance in clothes, I will always see myself as a fat guy while others will see me as normal looking. It's as much of a mindgame as a physical one. Both go hand in hand, the body struggling to rise above what the mind is telling it.

Of course, I will delve deeper into my history with The Battle as I write as I think my story is important to share and perhaps someone somewhere might find hope, learn something maybe they didn't know or find a comrade in arms so to speak in their own battle. It is with this that I begin......