Dating when you're a fat person is an exercise in frustration. As a man, I can only speak from that perspective, but from what I've read on various forums, heard from other fattys, and read in articles, women experience the same thing. If you're fat, your options are limited and many times, we settle. We either end up alone or with someone who probably isn't your first or second choice, maybe not even in the top 10 or on the radar at all, and that person most likely isn't the fabled "One".
As I look back on my dating experiences as a fat guy, I see a common thread. Most of the women I dated were fat, only 2 were of normal size and I have no idea what the motives were of one of them. They say like attracts like and I believe that. While these girlfriends were overweight, at least they were pretty. My ex was a beautiful woman who steadily gained weight over the years and had a head full of bad wiring. When we met, she was curvy, probably a good 30lbs or more overweight but it seemed like it was in all the right places. I was only 3 years removed from my gastric bypass surgery so I wasn't the huge slob I had become but was still a good hundred pounds overweight. For whatever reason, she dug me, and I her, so we hit it off. Unfortunately, the bad wiring in her head became apparent over time (read after we moved in together) and I ended up in another bad situation. See, this is the other problem with dating when you're fat. You also attract people with head problems, low self esteem and any other number of issues. These people are just looking for attention, for love and they'll take it wherever they can get it. My ex was like this. She just needed someone to get her away from her parents, to help pay the bills. Whatever love was there in the beginning was replaced with a dependency, her on me, and me dealing with my own esteem issues and feelings of loneliness which kept me with her. It was better than nothing, right?
This is what happens all the time. I've seen it countless times, so have you. Two people together who have little in common, don't appear to like one another, and seem to only fight. I've done it several times and to be honest, its a waste of life. Its not better than nothing, its worse. Why live in an atmosphere full of tension, with someone you really can't even look in the eye without wanting to pummel them? Where's the desire? The attraction? The feeling of contentment? This was my life.
After I finally got it together and lost the rest of my weight, my social life opened up exponentially. I dated women I could only dream about before. One woman I dated for a while was someone I had longed for and used to shop at the store she worked at just to get a chance to see her and talk to her a bit during the transaction. When she came into my workplace later on and we struck up a conversation which led to a date, I was floored. Here I was dating this girl I had been crushing on for several years. Amazing! And this trend continued. Obviously, I didn't date every girl I wanted, but at least I had the expectation of possibly receiving a yes to my offer of a date. Not at all like when I was fat and there simply was no point in even trying.
The advantage to being able to date lots of different people instead of just settling on one right away, is that you get a chance to find out what you like, what you really want in a partner. When you are fat and limited in your options, you don't have that opportunity. You're so desperate to find someone who will just have you that you forsake true happiness and live, what is essentially, a lie. When you're fat, you learn to develop your personality since you can't trade on your looks, and you are drawn to the personality of others. In essence, you see the person, not what they look like. Two fat people who can do this will find happiness I believe, but I also believe that if they were thin, they would be looking for someone more attractive. Its human nature, we are a visual species and until you have walked on both sides of the fence, you can't really understand it.
When I was fat, I dated fat women for the most part. If they weren't fat, they weren't particularly attractive. When I lost the weight, I dated women I was more attracted to. No, I wasn't looking for super model types, just women who were attractive to me. I did meet a few overweight women during this time, but I just couldn't go back. As nice as they were, as pretty as they were, I couldn't get past the fat. It just did nothing for me. And I've seen this in other former fattys. Suddenly they are pickier in who they choose to date. Some, many in fact, fattys call this shallow. Its what's inside that matters, they cry. True, but the outside package has to be appealing to a person. Some people aren't bothered by fat, many of us can forgive an extra 20 or so pounds, but many can't. It doesn't make them bad people and not worth knowing, its a preference and we all have them. You can't force attraction onto someone. And the argument that once they get to know you, they'll see you as more attractive? Rare. I've tried and met various overweight women who turned out to be fun, great people, but when it came time to take it to the next level, I simply couldn't. They were friends. And friends is where many fattys end up in their quest for love.
I can't tell you the number of times I landed in the friends column. It sucks but I understood. Even though I hated it, I understood. If I wanted to change it, I knew I had to take action and I did. Because of that, I had a chance to really figure out what I wanted and needed in a partner, and after some extensive dating over a few years, I found my "One".
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