I have to admit, I'm a bit disappointed. After having what has to be the lightest eating week I've had ever, I just made my goal for the week: 199.5lbs. This is the same 199lbs I was aiming for last Friday and missed by about a pound. The same 199lbs I have seen a couple of times in the past month only to see my weight go back up a couple of pounds. It would appear that 200 is my new nemesis much like 207 used to be and 213 before that. It seems that my body likes to be about 200lbs, when I lost the rest of my weight originally several years ago, I got stuck at around 204lbs for a few years, then after managing to drop to about 185 or so for a while, getting sick and losing a ton of weight (which was chronicled in Gastric Bypass Nightmares Parts 3 and 4), my body raced back up to 200lbs in record time. Then it forgot to stop racing and shot me past it which I've been trying rectify for the past 11 months.
So here I am, in a familiar place, wondering if maybe I should just maintain this weight and forget trying to reach what seems like an impossible goal at times. After all, what happens after I finally get to 190 or heaven forbid, 180? What will I have to do to maintain that? If I maintain my current activity levels, I can only eat about 2300 calories per day. If I decide to cut back on my visits to the gym, I must eat even less. At first glance, this seems easy. 2300 calories is like a dream to many people I'm sure, especially women who must eat less calories then men to maintain their weight, but when you consider how many calories are in food, you realize you aren't really eating all that much.
Currently I eat probably 7-9 portions of fruit, usually 3-5 portions of vegetables and then whatever meal we have for dinner, sometimes chicken, sometimes beef, sometimes we just munch which means for me, bowl of cereal, soup, a sandwich, whatever. And that adds up to about 2300 or more. And I feel like I've not eaten all that much. Imagine if I actually ate a real breakfast? Some combination of bacon, eggs, toast, potato or pancakes would quickly add up the calories. Then imagine if I ate a real lunch? Like the lunch special at work or a visit to a restaurant for takeout? Or a sandwich or leftovers from home? What does that leave for dinner? How does air taste? I hear water is supposed to fill you up. So its nothing to eat what is considered normal: traditional breakfast, lunch, and dinner and ingest more than 3000 calories. So you end up having to always eat light just to maintain a decent weight. That means something small like an apple or slice of toast (no butter), or a cup of cereal for breakfast, a salad, maybe another apple or piece of fruit or sliver of real food for lunch, then a moderate dinner consisting of 3oz. of meat, veggies and a bit of a starch since rice and potatoes add up the calories.
Sound like a diet? It should because that's what it is in a nutshell. Yet its what is necessary apparently to maintain a good healthy weight. So where do you fit in beverages that are not water? Or a trip to a restaurant or a visit to the local chip truck? What about enjoying some junk food? I mean you can't realistically expect people to just never eat any of this stuff again. Oh I know, you can have 10 potato chips. Gee, thanks. You can have pizza, but just a slice. A whole slice? Really, honest and true?? Guess I'd better get used to feeling hungry.
Yes, I'm bitching and probably making it sound a lot worse than it is. As I'm writing this, I'm questioning some of the statements I've already made. But to someone who loves to eat, someone who really enjoys a good meal, its hard to accept that in order to maintain a good weight, I have to sacrifice so much. I miss being able to open a bag of cookies and eat more than one or two with a glass of milk. Or being able to order a pizza and gobble up more than a couple of slices without feeling massive amounts of guilt. On a hot summers day, an ice cream cone is a wonderful treat. Too bad that large scoop on a waffle cone probably comes in at 700 or more calories. In fact, its probably much higher. But this is my life, if I want to be normal looking. I've been horribly obese, deathly thin and all points in between and I prefer to be normal size. Its good to be able to buy off the rack, to fit into the rides at the amusement park and to be able to complete basic tasks like walking up stairs without needing CPR. I'm still adjusting, seems like I've been adjusting for years now and I'm still not there yet. I'm proud of my accomplishments so far but God I'd love a big cheesy pizza right about now.
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