Addictions

We watched "Half Ton Man" on TLC last night. It isn't hard to catch one of these obesity shows as TLC seems to have become a one stop haven for human freak shows; everything from obesity to midgets, odd diseases, steroid freaks, lottery winners, you name it you can find it on TLC. We've seen this one before, it centers on Patrick Dueul who weighed more than a 1000lbs before being rescued from his home and treated at hospital, where he's managed to lose something like 500lbs with help from a gastric bypass surgery. It also featured another man, Michael Hebranko, known as the human who has lost the most amount of weight ever, over 700lbs, with help from Richard Simmons.

Dueul was in terrible shape, at his worst, he was just a big blob of humanity, a small head sticking out from the top, no neck in sight. He was bedridden and hadn't left the house in years, his wife Edie caring for him constantly. Apparently, he suffered some sort of medical crisis, I missed the first few minutes, and he had to be rescued from his home to be taken to hospital. This rescue involved cutting a massive hole into the side of his house to retrieve him and special equipment and vehicle to transport him.

Now I've seen this footage before and it boggles my mind that someone can allow themselves to get so out of control that it comes to this. But what really made my head spin was the surprise his wife and family had when this medical crisis occured. They were dumbfounded! "You mean he could die?" was one's remarks.

It never ceases to amaze me how stupid some people can be. When looking at Dueul's childhood, his parents maintained that Patrick never ate more than anybody else, he just grew faster than others. Then, later, they say he was always eating, that he never seemed full. Dueul himself maintains that he doesn't eat more than others, that it's genetics. There's a scene where the interviewer is questioning his wife about his diet and Patrick angrily fires back,"It's genetics!" as his wife just sits there like a good girl. The camera then panned their home and kitchen and there's junk food everywhere. Pizza boxes stacked up in the corner, chip bags, soda pop cases, all the signs of poor food choices. They then watch as Edie goes grocery shopping, God forbid she buy fruits and veggies, nope, she's buying frozen pizzas, pop, chips, etc. because this is what he likes. How's that for denial? Even while he's in the hospital, she brings him KFC!! Ya, genetics...whatever.

Midway through this horror show, they bring out Michael Hebranko. Apparently this guy lost a lot of weight through diet and exercise and Richard Simmons back in the early 80s and became somewhat of a minor celebrity. Sadly, he regained all the weight plus some and is once again super obese. However, unlike Mr. Dueul who is convinced his obesity is due to genes and not his poor eating habits, thanks to mommy and daddy and his enabling wife, who herself looks to be about a hundred pounds overweight, Hebranko knows he did it to himself. He admits at one point that after he lost the weight and was doing well, he decided to have a Nathaniels hotdog. That turned into 2, then 3, then 4, and so on. Then came fries, and of course fries need cheese sauce and there we go! It's like a snowball rolling down the hill getting bigger and bigger and more out of control. But at least he understands that he did it to himself, that he makes bad choices and caves to his cravings.

This brought a disagreement between Red and me, who look at this whole issue rather differently. For Red, it's changing the behaviour, it's all cognitive. If you feel the craving, talk yourself out of it. Ask yourself why you want it, how do you feel at that moment, try and understand what is causing it and beat it; thinking about food all the time is the problem, you have to change that. While I agreed with her to a degree, if I, and anybody else with an eating disorder, had to spend all that time thinking about why we want something in addition to the time we are already spending thinking about food, we'll do nothing else BUT think of food. The constant battle that rages inside us will escalate and makes us more miserable than we already are. But it isn't like Red doesn't know the subject.

She was fat for most of her life too. It wasn't until she was in her late 20's that she decided to do something about it. So she made better food choices to lose the weight. She cut out all the junk and fast food, she's always been a one meal a day person so she made that a good meal, and over the course of a few years, she lost the weight. No, she didn't exercise so yes it took longer than it should, but the result was basically the same.

But how is it that Red was able to change her eating habits virtually overnight and stay with it and most of us, including me, cannot? She watches me struggle with it daily; I'm a muncher, always have been, and she isn't. Thanks to my influence, she has taken to some munching, but nothing like me. I think she also has OCD so once she gets something in her head, it's pretty much stuck there which probably helps greatly. Red is very bright and informed but I just don't think she gets it. She didn't get fat by eating all the time, she just ate the wrong foods and lots of it when she ate her lone meal of the day. Plus, she's essentially a couch potato so she wasn't burning any of these extra calories off. But I've always been a muncher, I like to eat so I do it often. Even if its grapes or pineapple, I'm still eating. I grew up like this, she didn't. So she can't possibly know what its like to not eat. It's an addiction and I believe it's much like any other addiction: one is too many, and one is not enough.

Red can open a candy bar and have a couple of pieces, I have to eat the whole bar. When I was miserable over not having popcorn at the movies anymore, Red suggested getting a small, to me that was ludicrous! A small will only feed the craving. My mom says I eat things "to death". If I like something and get into a craze for it, I eat lots of it and often. It doesn't last long, but a few weeks usually. But I've always been this way. I can't just change the way I'm wired. Sure, it'd be great if I could be satisfied with just a taste of something, but I'm not. When we order pizza, we get a medium. That gives each of us 3 slices and we usually get something with lots of toppings so it's filling. But a part of me wants to order the large so that I can have more. But that's dumb because I'm full by the time I'm done with my 3 slices. Sometimes Red doesn't finish her 3rd slice and I'll eat it and that makes me quite full. But yet, I still want the large size. Why? I know I couldn't eat another bite, yet I'll buy garlic bread with cheese to go with it and end up feeling sick after.

I'm a logical guy so why do I do this to myself? Why does Michael Hebranko do it? Or Patrick Dueul? Addiction. Eating is a pleasant experience, one that I enjoy very much. I eat when I'm not hungry, I eat when I'm stressed out. I feel good when I eat, it makes me happy. Yet it makes me miserable. It only makes me miserable because of what it does to my body, if I was one of those lucky people who have lightning fast metabolisms, I'd be so happy. But I don't. I have to work hard to lose and maintain a decent weight and that means not eating all the time. And this is the problem.

I have the inner dialogue, in fact, I talk to myself all the time about my eating and my weight. While I've made huge changes in what I munch on and the choices I make, I'm still eating all the time. Even if I'm eating a handful of grapes or some pineapple, think of the calories I could be saving if I didn't reach into the fridge for them. I've done that and I spend all my time focusing on what it is I'm trying to avoid. It's maddening! I don't want to think about food anymore, I'm tired of counting calories and thinking about what side I can have with my chicken breast. Or what I should have for dinner because I ate a certain something for lunch. But this is my reality for better or worse. I wish I was more like Red.