So the past week has been one of stress and anxiety. The clutch on my car gave up the ghost last Wednesday after a few weeks of rough driving. I had originally taken it in a week earlier but the problem had mysteriously vanished upon arrival at the garage. Kind of like when you're really sick and by the time you get in to see the doctor, you're feeling better.
Well, the clutch started acting up again and left me no choice but to take it in since my car had become undriveable. Of course, it was one of those things that takes down a bunch of other stuff with it, so I ended up needing a few other items fixed which blew the bill up to $2600, over half of it labour. I felt absolutely sick when I was told the amount, after all, I drive a 2002 Ford Focus, the bottom line of their vehicles. Just a couple of weeks before that, Red had bought winter tires for it as a birthday gift so that was another $500 give or take (no rims), and I had just had it in for a tune up and service that cost over $800. So that puts the total amount of money pumped into this thing in the last month or so at about $3900. I doubt it's even worth that much if I traded it. I seem to recall seeing the resale value at around the $5000 mark a while back when looking it up online, so at least I know if I sold it privately, I'd hopefully get enough to cover the remainder of my car loan. But Jesus Christ!
It just hasn't been our month, or last couple of months; a wedding out west we originally decided to attend but later thought the better of (too late of course, you can't refund airline tickets), so we ended up spending a lot of money travelling out there to attend that, the garage door was falling apart and needed to be replaced, the hot water heater and furnace both quit (though thankfully a few weeks apart), Red's taxes were reassessed for the umpteenth time and she allegedly owes more, my car issues, and I'm sure there's more that I'm missing. It hasn't been a good run and I'm bummed out. Christmas is fast approaching and while we've agreed to scale back the expenses, it's still going to be costly. You can't avoid it. A hundred bucks here, another hundred there, fifty here, twenty there, it adds up.
And my ability to save has gone down since the summer and we have a wedding to pay for. Plus with all the restructuring going on in the wake of the economic crisis, who knows how long I may have a job for? I work in the private sector and jobs are going south fast. My job can be easily erased and I know it. With the looming recession, I don't know how long it would take to find another job, at least one that pays a reasonable salary. I've got my name out there but nothing's happening. It's very stressful.
On the diet side, my weight remained unchanged from weeks previous so that sucks. Because of my car issues and no loaner or rental available, I missed a couple days of work and the gym. I did get back Monday and decided to go for some cardio this week just to burn calories and give my muscles a break. My glute is feeling better, not perfect but better, so that's good. I did miss most of my workout yesterday as my car developed power issues on the way to the gym and I thought it best to run it over to the garage right away, so another lost day. I've been okay diet wise, the weekend was not good at all as I let myself eat and drink some of my stress away, but aside from that, I'm fine. No real cravings or desires haunting me which is nice.
Red's sister was over last Thursday and mentioned that I looked thinner that I had in September when she last seen me. So did an older woman who works out at the gym and sees me almost daily. I have to admit I think them, and Red who mentioned it last week, are on crack since I'm up about 5lb since the first of September so how can I possibly look thinner? And besides, I see a not so flat belly protruding these days whereas in late August when I was below 200lb, I did not.
Maybe the weight lifting is making some physical changes in me that I'm not seeing? I wouldn't think so since it has only been 4 weeks and my weight has gone up, not down. But I am my own worst critic so maybe i'm just blind to it. I don't know. This week I'm doing cardio in an effort to kill some calories and see if I can move my weight. Plus, I want to give my glute a chance to heal up more and give my body a break overall, I'll go back to the weights next week.
Red's plotting a trip to Cuba for late February, she must not be feeling the money crunch like I am. I'm not a beach person, with this body, taking off my shirt and strutting around isn't something I'm comfortable doing. I don't care if others are doing it, I'm sensitive about my body and have no desire to show it off. I haven't been anywhere like this before so I don't know what to expect. It's not exactly my idea of a fun vacation, but it's something she likes to do and it's her turn to pick.
Maybe i'll like it, but with how I'm feeling these days, I can't get into it. I get home and just want to sit quietly. Volleyball isn't much fun, dancing is over for now and the snow is falling. I'm worried about cash, my job and my diet. There's a concert we're going to this weekend with her parents, my mom and my sister, but I'm not into it. I chose not to go to another one I might have enjoyed for next week and our Christmas plans have yet to be firmed up.
Truth is, I resent all the travelling I have to do at Xmas. Everyone expects us to attend their Xmas meal but we simply cannot do that. And my birthday falls 2 days before Xmas so we have to figure out how to deal with that as well. We only have 4 days to work with and none of the options appeals to me. I hate Christmas.
No comments:
Post a Comment