Up again

Neglected to write on Friday after weigh in and didn't find the time to do it over the weekend either. Actually, I probably could have written something but the whole thing has been kind of depressing so my desire to write has diminished. For the record, the scale read: 206.5lbs.

Now I know I said I needed to give it time. And I know how this all works when you start lifting weights. But ferchrissakes, it's demoralizing! And what kind of effect did it have on me? Well, Friday was Halloween so there were trays of goodies placed around the office. Did I partake? Well of course! Friday is also the day our Marketing department has donuts and while I normally ignore them, this time I decided not to. So put me down for 2. Friday was also the day our group was supposed to go for lunch to celebrate the launch of our new platform, but it was delayed until Tuesday as some last minutes things came up and people were too busy. We were told early morning of this change and since I didn't bring a lunch, I decided to hit the cafeteria and get a club sandwich, after all I was hungry from my workout and figured it would carry me through the day. It didn't.

Towards the tail end of lunch hour, I was feeling hungry again so I decided to grab a couple slices of pizza. Finally the day ended and I headed home where I drank several beers in anticipation of going out to a Halloween bash at a bar. So in terms of actual food, I only ate a couple slices of pizza and a club sandwich, but in terms of junk, I went way over my quota. Not good.

Saturday first thing, we had to pick up our engagement pics and we ended up going for breakfast. For dinner was pizza and garlic bread with cheese. To be honest, I was physically sick after this. Too much food. I don't know why i get the garlic bread, greedy I guess. Sunday we made a shepherds pie which was really good. I did have a bowl of Special K for breakfast, a tuna sandwich for lunch and some fruit throughout the day and evening, but again, I can't help but feel I overate.

Monday I woke up ready to resume my regimen and give up the junk. I hope it sticks this time. There was a large shopping bag of Halloween candies left in the office that I was able to ignore so I 'm pleased about that. Today, the group went for that lunch and I had spaghetti and meatballs. For dinner, I might finish the shepherds pie, but I'll see how I feel. As I write this, I'm about an hour or so from eating lunch and I'm quite full. I'm sure I'll feel better later but I can't help but feel that maybe I should go light considering. And this is where it gets hard.

Should I eat a normal dinner or just find something lighter to munch on? It wasn't a huge plate of spaghetti, just a lunch size with 3 big meatballs. There was bread, of which I had a couple of pieces. I drank water so no extra calories there. I brought a couple of apples and a pear for the day so how much room do i have left in the calorie counter? It's harder to tell now because my workout is so different. How many calories am I burning off lifting weights? I know you don't burn a lot, so I have to compensate for that. However, you can't lift weights and eat like a bird either. Your body needs sustenance to build muscle and grow strong. On the other side, you can't eat like a pig either, its not like I'm training for several hours a day.

There's a part of me that is tempted to return to the mind numbing weariness of cardio for an hour and a half, but another part telling me to stick it out and be patient. Thing is, I think I look fat these days. I see a much thicker midsection than was there only a couple of months ago and it has me worried. But I can't go back to straight cardio, it's too painful. I like the feeling of my body being worked to almost exhaustion and I don't get that from cardio. I want to build muscle and be strong, again, something I won't get from cardio. Is the 25 minutes of cardio at the end of my workout enough? I know the calithstenics I do must be worth something, they leave me winded.

I watch others working, trying to pick up tips and strategies. I seem to be in line with most of them. We all do floor work, squats, lunges, weights, cardio. If it works for them, surely it'll work for me? Right? Right?

I finally took my body measurements on Saturday so now I have something else to measure against. I'll take them again in a month. That should tell me a different story if the scale doesn't start to drop. But I'm sure it will. I'm just bitching. I'm used to immediate results, patience is not one of my virtues. I'll give it till Christmas, then re-evaluate.